Cool Sculpting Experience

Ok, so I spent a good part of Tuesday afternoon having my fat frozen. Yes I had my cool sculpting appointment. It was very strange but I think I dig it. We’ll have to wait and see the results first. Let me explain. The procedure is being done at my surgeons office by the nutritionist and receptionist there. What it is supposed to do, is freeze fat cells in a particular area, causing them to die. Then over a period of 2-4 months your body will naturally flush out the dead cells, leaving you with few fat cells in that part of your body. This is not intended for weight loss! This is intended for those areas with stubborn fat that diet and exercise don’t seem to touch. Now Momzilla did this with me and they were very honest with her during her consultation and suggested that if she wanted to see real results she might want to go the plastic surgery route. But she says she is a big chicken so want wanted a nonsurgical option to make her clothes fit a little better. They say you can lose 10-20% of the fat cells in the area you have the procedure on. But it isn’t going to make you drop a lot of weight. My mom and I share the curse of saddle bags, no matter how thin we are or how little we weigh. So we thought this might help. I will also caution you that it is expensive and not covered by insurance. Since I am getting married in a year (OMG I’m still not used to that, I’m getting married!) Momzilla offered to pay for it for me.


So I arrived at the office for my appointment. They only have one machine and Momzilla was still on it, so I went back and sat with her for her last few minutes. It was really weird to watch them remove the machine. Now I am wishing I had taken some pictures but I didn’t think of it at the time. After they massaged Momzilla’s cold spot it was my turn. I pulled on some short shorts and hopped up on the table.

First they marks on my upper, outer thigh to show the where the ends of the machine should touch and where the center should be. I don’t know how to describe the machine. It is hand held with programing buttons and has a hollow portion in it. They put this cool gel cloth over that spot and smooth it out. It is very cold! Then they put the machine up to the marks and hit a button that started the suction. Now they say that this is painless. It is not! They say it feels kinda like a mammogram but I’ve never had one so I don’t know. On a pain scale I would say it was a 7 or an 8. Really, nothing us VSG patients can’t handle. It’s enough to make you go OWWW! Then it stays for a couple of minutes. After that the pain is gone. They prop the machine up on a pillow and help you get into a comfortable position. Then I just sat there and watched TV for an hour while the machine worked it’s magic.

I was amazed by how much this thing managed to suck up into it. I mean I could actually see through the clear portions to see the marks they had made. It is a really weird feeling. The suction is what makes this work so you have to becareful not to break the suction. Meanwhile you just sit there while it cools down the fat that it sucked up. I don’t know how they do that without hurting your skin but it is fine. After the first few minutes of pain and discomfort you don’t’ feel anything. The area is numb. So you don’t really feel how cold it is either.

After your hour the machine massages the area for a couple of minutes. Then the operator releases it and pulls the machine off of your “Stick of Butter” as they call it. It’s an area that was sucked into the machine that is now red and raised and kinda looks like a stick of butter. The operator massages this area for a few minutes and it goes down and back to normal on your leg. You can still see a red area but that’s it. It’s crazy if you touch it with your hand afterwards. That spot is so cold! I have no idea why you don’t feel it. The area does hurt a little when they take off the machine and massage it. It just feels like a bad bruise. The whole thing can cause some bruising too. I have a few bruises. Momzilla has a few more because she bruises more easily. Next the whole thing gets done to the other leg. I would say that I spent about two and a half hours at the doctor’s office. Afterwards I put regular clothes on and went to the grocery store. Just like nothing happened.

The next day I felt a little bruised but not bad. Now I just have to wait and see how my body expels the dead cells. I can’t wait! I really hope it works! I’ll admit that while I had my one side hurting after having the machine removed and they went to do the other leg I was a little nervous. I definitely held my breath when they put the machine on. But at the same time, I kinda want to do it again! I think this has the potential to be addictive like piercings and tattoos. If it works that is. I was thinking about it the next day and wanted to experience it again. It’s a really weird sensation to have your fat sucked up in that machine. I can do it again to a different area. Or if I want to do my outer thighs again, I can in two months. Momzilla is planning to go do her inner thighs next week. I am contemplating my knee fat. I have icky bags of fat on the sides of my knees and I hate them. But I will wait to see if this works before I pay more money for it.

Cross your fingers for me! If anyone has any questions about Cool Sculpting, Feel free to e-mail me!

Cool Sculpting and some news

Hello Readers!


So I must inform you of a new development. I’m engaged!

Yep, Coach finally popped the question and made it official. We will be getting married next June.



Now that that’s out, on to more sleeve related discussion. I’m still stalled, which is frustrating. But I am very excited. My surgeon’s office sent me a brochure about a new procedure they do called Cool Sculpting. It’s very interesting. I went to an informational on it last night. It was so cool. Basically they use this machine that sucks in the fat and then freezes it. It chills that area so that the fat cells freeze and die. Then over the next few months, your body gradually expels the dead cells. It’s supposed to help with those areas of stubborn fat that just won’t go away, despite diet and exercise. It is also a non-surgical alternative to liposuction. They say that the area will lose 10-20% of the fat over a two to four month time period. I watched a woman who was having her inner thighs done get the machine taken off one leg and moved to the other. It doesn’t hurt, It may be a little uncomfortable for the first few minutes and then there is nothing. After they remove the machine the skin is a little red and that’s it. Each treatment takes an hour and one treatment is all you need. But you can do more if you want to increase the results. It’s a little expensive and insurance doesn’t cover it. But I think it will be worth it. The dietitian at the office preforms the procedure.

I’m getting it done next week. And Mommy dearest (hereby to be known as Momzilla because she is driving me crazy with wedding planning) is paying for it. I am going to have my outer thighs done. My thighs are where I collect all my fat. It’s always been that way. The dietitian seemed really positive about the results I can expect. She was pretty honest. She recommended that Momzilla look into cosmetic Surgery but Momzilla really doesn’t want that. She is a big chicken and doesn’t want surgery. So she is going to have the procedure too. But I’m not sure how well it will work for her. I’m really excited about getting it done next week. It will take two hours, one hour per leg. If it works like it is supposed to, I may do my inner thighs and/or my arms. I think my inner thighs are going to need cosmetic Surgery. I have a lot of extra skin on my inner thighs and some flabby fat. So I will probably need the skin removed and a little lypo. But I am going to wait until I hit my goal weight. And then I will consult with the plastic surgeon. I am really hoping this works get rid of those terrible saddle bags that have plagued me my entire life. I’ll let you guys know how it goes. For those of you that want more info, here is a link that explains it.

http://www.coolsculpting.com/

Sleevaversary!!!

Ok,


So I am officially past the one year mark from my surgery. I’m down 88lbs but not at my goal yet. I have two goals actually. One is my realistic goal and one is my crazy goal. I have twelve more pounds to get to my realistic goal. I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t hit my goal yet. I was sure I would by now. My doctor’s happy because I have continued to lose. But I have had some big stalls. Three weeks, then only a one pound drop, then three weeks again. I know that I have gotten into some bad habits though. I don’t always remember to track my calories, I’m not getting enough protein, or water. And I’ve been missing the gym because I’m so busy. So I am rededicating myself to my weight loss. That also includes remembering to blog.

So here is my plan to lose those last twelve pounds. I am going to record my food every day, no more than 800 calories. I am going to add my half a protein water back into my diet (it adds 20 grams of protein to my day). I am going to buy a huge bottled water every morning and make sure I drink the entire thing each day. I am going to cut back on my wine consumption. I love wine but it is wasted calories. I am going to add my exercise more often. If I can’t go to the gym I will do some kind of exercise outside now that the weather is nice. I go back to my doctor in four months. I will be at my goal by then!

I am starting to have issues with extra skin. I wore shorts when I went on vacation in April and was horrified by the pictures. I couldn’t believe how bad my legs look! I have saggy skin there and pouches of icky fat that feel like bean bags when you touch them. Not good! I asked my doctor and he said it was time to consult with a plastic surgeon. The only problem is that insurance will only cover tummy tucks after this much weight loss. I told him that I chafe sometimes and get pinched. He said I should go to my regular doctor and have her document it. Then maybe they can write to the insurance company and a ask them to cover the surgery. I feel kinda silly going to my doctor though. I mean she is busy. And if I go in there she isn’t going to be able to do anything to help me. So it seems silly. I’m going to wait until I am closer to my goal and then go see her. I know she won’t mind me taking up her time with this. And she probably would write to the insurance company for me. She is really happy about my progress. But it still seems silly to go and complain about something she can’t fix. I am starting to save up the money for the surgery. I saw the bill from my brother’s tummy tuck and so I have an idea of what to save up. But it’s going to take a while. I am hoping that if I am really good at the saving I’ll have the money shortly after I hit my goal.

Non-Sleeve Related Musings

Good Afternoon!


Until now I have been hesitant to use this blog as a forum for my general thoughts and feelings not related to my sleeve. I have shared this blog with my boyfriend, my cousin Red, and my best friend Sweets. So I figured that just in case one of them read something I posted and misinterpreted it, or if I wanted to write about one of them I would keep this strictly sleeve related. But as far as I know, they have pretty much stopped checking out this blog as I have adjusted to my sleeve. So maybe it would be ok to use this site to vent some of my general thoughts and feelings. I’m not talking about bitching here. I’m talking about musings that I have in passing that I may never think to discuss out loud, or that maybe are too abstract to discuss. I don’t know. Just my thoughts I guess. I won’t even charge you readers a penny for them. And if any of you would like to give feedback I’d be more then happy get to get it. So here we go, Sorry, it’s gonna be a non sleeve related post.

Is there such a thing as being too forgiving or too accepting? I mean where do you draw the line between that and being a doormat. What if someone isn’t exactly wiping their metaphorical feet on you, but they are still a little off? If it doesn’t bother you in the big picture how much of a stink do you make about it? My experience is with Coach, my boyfriend. The big man has hissy fits occasionally. I mean fits like a twelve year old girl with screaming and door slamming and everything. Now I will say that this is a very rare occurrence. They are also never directed at me. I would not stand for that. These boots would be walking my ass right out of there if that was the case.

Usually when this comes up I forcefully tell him to knock it off and he settles a bit and starts talking more calmly and rationally and eventually calms down. But last night it was not happening. He wasn’t even listening to me. He starting have his fit outside and I could hear him in the house. He was yelling about our broken back door and started screaming and slamming it over and over. He was actually stomping his feet! I tried to get his attention but nothing worked. So I decided that I was not going to indulge that behavior by trying to calm him down or discussing it. I just ignored him. He even threw some stuff. I did not speak to him until he was rational and calm. He just railed at the door for a bit and finally came inside and told me what he planned to fix it. I told him that was fine and offered ways I could help the situation. Then I told him he needed to control his temper and he started making jokes.

When these outbursts happen he always gets very upset with himself afterwards. He apologized to me, which I pretty much ignored since he wasn’t yelling at me. But sometimes he does do this to his parents or in front of his parents and afterwards he always get ups upset and calls himself a bastard and apologizes. I always tell him that he needs to learn to control himself because this is what always happens. That he ends up ashamed of himself. Again I would like to say that these are a rare occurrence. Like once every one or two months. But still they seem very childish and immature to me. They aren’t productive and are just a little ridiculous for an adult man.

So here is my concern, should I be more bothered by this? I mean when he does it, it pisses me off and I tell him so. But other then that I don’t really think about it or care. I mean is this a big deal or just the type of thing that is a stupid annoyance. Am I being too forgiving by letting it go after “I’m sorry”? I don’t like the behavior and I try to discourage it when it happens. But since it doesn’t happen every time he gets mad and he never directs it at me, is being forgiving and accepting a bad thing? Is it ok for me to say that this is just something he needs to grow out of and encourage him to cultivate the tools to do that? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s bad. But I know other people would not feel the same way. Some people would maybe even think it’s a deal breaker. So what do I do with this? Am I wrong here?

If you have made it this far I would like to thank you for reading my musings.

Who is that Chick in the Mirror?

Who is that Chick in the mirror?


I’ve found myself asking that more and more lately. It’s kinda funny to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself right away. I guess it means that due to my weight loss my mental image hasn’t caught up to the image that gets reflected back to me.

I first experienced this a few weeks ago. My cousin had her first communion and her mom (Red) took pictures of her with everyone at the party. Then she sent them to us with a thank you card. When I got the card, I didn’t recognize myself in the picture. I actually spent a few seconds wondering who that was with my cousin. It was a little shocking to realize that it was me. My face just didn’t look the same. It wasn’t what I expected. Next I started experiencing this at work. I would walk past a mirror or something reflective and I would think, “who is that professional looking woman?” and then I would realize it was me. I would see myself and think that “that woman has long legs” and then realize those were my legs. I don’t have long legs. Infact I have short and chunky legs, that’s where all my weight goes. But now, I can wear clothes that give me an illusion of having long legs. I never could do that before. I keep having these experiences where it takes a moment before I recognize myself. It’s a very weird feeling. I wonder how long it will take before my mental image catches up to my physical image? It makes me wonder what will happen when I reach my goal. Because even now, 80 lbs later, I still feel like the fat girl. I still feel fat running right to my thighs when I indulge in something. I still feel huge defeat if I haven’t lost any weight, or (Heaven forbid!) I gain a pound (which is probably water anyway). I’ll post some pictures later to demonstrate what I expect to see in the mirror and what I actually see. Thanks for reading!

December 2009

January 2011

Wierdness

Good Morning Readers!




I hope you are all doing well. So apparently my new work responsibilities are making me drop my blogging time to once a month. Bummer. I’ll work on it. So I have been to my doctor and he was so happy with my weight loss he told me I could stop if I wanted. I said hell no! I’m goin’ for the gold, another 20-30 lbs. He was happy to hear it. He did warn me that once I had the 100lb gone mark things will get tougher. I’ll worry about that when I come to it. I also went to see the GI specialist. He said that my high copper may just be a variation on normal. My body might just work that way. The numbers are only a little high, not crazy high. So he ordered more blood tests and if they all come back normal then my body just has more copper then most. Good to know.

So my scale has suddenly decided that it wants to drop numbers every time I step on it. Usually I go a few days with no change and then do a two or three pound drop. Lately, every time I step on I’m down at least half a pound. That’s awesome and encouraging. Even though this morning my jeans felt a little tight which is frustrating since I have dropped in weight since the last time I wore them. So they shouldn’t be tighter. I never did get to do that pouch test. I have had some meals that I had to eat with other people who I didn’t want to explain it to so I haven’t been able to find five consecutive days that I could do the test. I’m a little less worried though. I’ve had snacks in the afternoon which is unusual but I’m still losing and in fact, when I count my calories I am still under my 800 so I’m good. I have also found that I am eating less and less at dinner. My food choices in a day tend to be the same most days. This is what I eat

Breakfast: ½ a bagel with cream cheese or ¾ an instant low sugar oatmeal

Mid Morning: 1 cup of coffee

Lunch: Some kind of soup, 4-6 oz depending on the type

Snack: (lately my protein water has not been appealing so I haven’t had it) Sometimes I have chips and two table spoons of guacamole or a small pop

Dinner: ½ a chicken breast at most, a few bites of salad and a small amount of green veggie (usually asparagus since it’s my fave)



It really doesn’t end up being much calorie wise. So I’m usually good. I have had a few weird experiences lately. First, the other night I made baked chicken for dinner with some yummy cheesy potatoes. Now potatoes are supposed to be an easy food for us to eat. I don’t know what happened but my tiny tummy rebelled against this meal. I had maybe two tablespoons of potatoes and ¼ of a chicken breast and I had that choking throat feeling where it feels like your food is backed up into your throat. I thought maybe I ate too fast and went to lie down. A few minutes later I was doing a sprint to the toilet to get rid of the little bit in my belly. The Tiny Tummy said “No Admittance” What was up with that???



Another weird experience: Yesterday I was feeling good in the morning. I had my usual breakfast and was fine. I decided to go to lunch early because I had a full afternoon and as I was walking to the deli to get my soup I suddenly started to get woozy. I felt disorientated and hot. I started shaking and feeling sick. By the time I got my soup I had to sit down before I fell down. It was like my blood sugar did a sudden sky dive and dropped like a stone. I felt horrible. I could barely hold my spoon to eat I was shaking so badly. I ate all of my soup, which was 8 oz. Then I got a pop and slowly sipped it. I sat at a table, dying to put my head in my lap, until I felt like I could walk back to my desk. I felt a little better and the shaking went away but it was still weird and not right. I sipped on the pop until around 3 o’clock when I decided to try eating again. Maybe more food would help. I went to the Mexican place and got a beef quesadilla (I can only eat ¼ of one) and some chips and guac. I ate the quesadilla and felt much better. I took my chips upstairs to munch on and shortly was feeling normal again. It was very strange. I usually can’t eat that much. And I don’t know what caused it. It was weird and a little scary.

I have been hitting the gym three days a week but I haven’t been pushing as hard as I should. I know I need to do a little more. At this point I have a little bit of a muffin top that I know will get better with more working out. I’m not so sure about my legs. They have always been chunky and where most of my weight likes to reside. They are starting to look kinda gross. I can tell I have a good amount of extra skin on them. My doctor had thought that extra skin there wouldn’t be a problem but it is not bouncing back like she had thought. I am starting to worry about it. Has this happened to anyone else? Let me know. In the mean time, love to you all and I will post again soon!

I'm Baaack!!!

Long time no Blog Everyone! I’m so sorry it’s been a while since I wrote. Things have been very crazy for me. My boyfriend Coach, bought a house and closed on Dec 17th. We moved in together and spent our first night in our new house on January 1st. So I spent two weeks cleaning and moving and getting the house ready. Coach also got a new job which kept him from being able to help me with all the moving stuff. We also had some misfortune when Coach lost his uncle just before new years. So you can see that things have been crazy busy. But now it’s starting to slow down a bit. We have been in the house for two weeks now and we are starting to get adjusted to the new routine. I am really enjoying living with Coach. Also my sleeve is really helping out in the cooking department. I cook dinner for us and I only need to make two chicken breasts because I can only eat half of one and Coach can eat one and a half. So it’s perfect. No leftovers to worry about. It’s actually been great. He is very health conscious so he keeps me cooking good healthy food. I do have a problem at the grocery store though. My eyes are always bigger than my stomach so I end up buying a lot of stuff and then I never eat any of it. LOL. But I guess it would be worse if I did eat it. I have been drinking a little too much though. I love wine so I am always wanting to have some at night. Which is not good. I don’t need the sugar. It’s not like I want to get drunk, I just enjoy wine. So I am going to have to up myself control where that is concerned. I have continued to loose weight, even though it has slowed down a lot. But I’ve been happy to see the numbers on the scale dropping. In fact, Yesterday I decided to try on a pair of size 12 jeans because my 14’s were feeling a little big. I pulled them on and couldn’t believe it. I went running down the hall in nothing but my jeans and yelled to Coach “look at these pants!” he looked at them and said “They’re big” I squealed “I know! They’re 12s!!!!” and then did a half naked happy dance back down the hall to the bedroom. I was so excited! I realized that they are wide leg jeans but still, they are 12s. I’m going to have to try on some of my other twelve’s this week and see how many of them fit. So exciting. I used to be a size 10, sometimes 8 depending on the pants so I am almost to my goal size. I still have about thirty pounds to lose though so I may even get to my dream size of a six! I would be in heaven!


I have decided to do the five day pouch test to check out my sleeve and just help give my weight loss a little boost since I see my doctor again on Saturday. Today is the first day of the test and I already miss food. I just have the urge to eat. It’s weird, I guess it’s just mental, knowing that you can’t eat makes you want to. But I’m not hungry so far. Today I also go see the GI specialist my doctor recommended. Just to remind you, Two of my blood tests came back with high copper readings which is not normal for someone who has had the surgery. It’s not a good thing, excess copper can cause a lot of problems. So my doctor is sending me to a GI specialist to try to figure out the cause and see if I need some kind of treatment.

Well that pretty much brings you up to date. I swear I will remember to blog more often and I apologize for the long pause in my posts. Thanks for reading!

Post Holiday Confessions

Good Afternoon Readers!




So how did you all do with the holiday this past weekend? I did not do as well as I had hoped I would. I know my eyes are bigger then my stomach so I tried to keep the amounts on my plate small, but I still ended up cleaning my plate. I know I probably shouldn’t have had those last few bites of stuffing and I definitely should not have had the piece of pumpkin pie (even if it was small). I had about an hour or so between dinner and dessert but I still shouldn’t have eaten it. After I was done I realized that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to and I felt a little sick. I was disappointed in myself but I guess it could have been worse. I choose to have a little salad, turkey, and stuffing. Now at my house we actually had two kinds of stuffing along with sweet potatoes, cranberries, and bread. So at least I only ate my favorites and left the things that I didn’t care about as much off my plate to avoid eating more then I should. I also did not finish my salad so I guess I didn’t really clean my plate. I also only had one small glass of wine, which was not what I expected to happen. I figured that the way my family is sometimes that they would drive me to drink. But not this year, no real drama started which is good. It also made for a boring evening but boring is better then drama so I’ll take it.

I was bad this whole weekend though. I snacked more then I usually do, partially from hunger and partially from boredom, and I just didn’t make great choices. I also only got to the gym once last week. I think I need to get my scale fixed or buy a new one. Once I am weighing myself twice a week I’ll probably get my good habits back. I also drank too much this weekend. Wow, do any of you feel like my priest in the confessional right now? I really am spilling my sins for all of you. But I guess that is part of the change in attitudes that comes with the surgery. In the past I would hide my slip ups and not want to let people know my mistakes. Now I wear them right out in front like a scarlet letter in order to avoid repeating them. Shouting them from the rooftops makes me feel more accountable and encourages me to straighten up and act right.

A few weeks ago my brothers and I had portraits taken as a Christmas present for my mom. She said that she hasn’t had any new, professional pictures of us since we were in high school and that was what she wanted for Christmas. So we trotted down to the studio and had our pictures taken. I was a little disappointed. I was hoping to look at the pictures and say “Wow, I look so much better” but instead I saw that I am still very unproportioned. I noticed where my shirt caught at my stomach and felt like my ass was big enough to have a name, like Mount blubber butt or something. I guess that just tells me that I have more to lose. Which I already knew but after losing almost 70lbs you are so ecstatic by how good you feel sometimes you forget that the battle isn’t over yet. I also need to make my lazy butt get to the gym. It wasn’t just my schedule this week keeping me away and I know it. I am planning to try to go to a spin class this week. I tried spin last year around this time and it was an unholy nightmare. I didn’t have the energy or the stamina for it. The room was so hot I felt like I was dying and I ended up with a very black and blue butt. I didn’t even make it through the second class I went to because it hurt so much just to sit on those horrible seats. That might still be a problem, but I’m betting that being 70lbs lighter will make it a little bit easier on me. If I could add one class in a week it would probably go a long way towards getting rid of that Mount Blubber Butt ass of mine. I hold most of my weight in my butt and thighs so getting them moving more will probably help. I can’t really run because I have a bad knee so I need to keep to low impact stuff.

So I guess that is the plan, get my calories back on track, drink less, go to the gym more, and try spinning again. Wish me luck!

6 Month Sleevaversary!!!!!!!

Hello readers!




I know it’s been a little while since I’ve written. Today is my six month sleevaversary! Six months ago today I was in the hospital getting my new tiny tummy. Wow it’s gone by fast. I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t lost as much as I had wanted to by this time. But still I’ve lost almost 70lbs and that’s not too shabby. My original goal was to be down to my goal weight by Christmas. That’s not going to happen now but I am hoping to be there by the end of February.

My doctor is very happy with my progress. He says I’m doing just right. At this point I tend to take in somewhere between 600-700 calories a day on average. I do my best to never go over 800 calories. I am trying to increase my protein intake though. I thought I had found a correlation between the amount of protein I took in and the amount of weight I lost. But now it’s looking like I was wrong. But I still think it’s a good idea to take in a little more.

I work out three days a week with Coach. Right now my routine has become 15 minutes on the elliptical and then an hour on the bike. I have a bad knee so I have to do things that are low impact. I originally was lifting weights but then my doctor told me not to. He said that weights will increase my muscle and so I will be heavier. For right now while I am still trying to get to my goal weight he just wants me to do the cardio. Once I hit my goal weight I’ll start adding the weights back in. I want to increase my workouts to four days a week but it’s really hard to find the time. I work full time and I have a part time job that I do on nights and weekends so that makes my free time a little sparse.

I have developed a weird pattern to loosing. I will go for one or two weeks without losing anything and then I will just drop two or three pounds. Then I’ll go another two weeks without losing again. My doctor said that is fine. He said as long as I’m still losing its ok. My body is just fighting to keep the weight. It doesn’t want to lose. He said that if I start going for longer periods without losing he will have me shock my system by doing one week on the pre-op diet and then three on the normal 800 calorie diet, then back to one week on the pre-op diet. You get the picture.

One thing that is concerning me a little bit is that my three month blood work came back a little strange. My doctor told me at my 6 month appointment that my copper levels were high. This is something that he never sees happen as a result of the surgery. I am due to go back for more blood work at the beginning of December. At that time, if my copper levels are high again he wants me to go see a specialist. If they are normal then the first reading was just a fluke. But if they are high it could be indicating a problem. I looked it up and apparently high copper is caused by something called Wilson’s disease. It is a genetic disease that means your body doesn’t filter copper out of your system like it is supposed to. If it is not discovered and treated the copper builds up and causes liver failure, neurological problems, tumors and all kinds of fun stuff. But it is treatable with medication to remove the copper. This WAS NOT caused by the surgery. If I have it, it will be a blessing that I had the surgery because if I hadn’t, no one would have checked my copper levels until I started experiencing symptoms. And it’s still possible that it was a fluke and that everything is fine. It’s making me a little nervous but I’m trying to be positive and just wait until the results come in.

I’m also a little worried that I have stretched out my sleeve a little. When I first had surgery I could barely eat 4 oz of soup and when I bought salad at the salad bar at work, it usually came out to 2.50$ (they charge you by the weight of the salad) and I could not always finish that. Now I have found that I can eat all four ounces and sometimes I can eat 6, or even 8 of soup. I have also found that my salads are now costing closer to 3.50$ and I usually do eat it all. I read that your stomach is swollen at first and that after the swelling goes down we would be able to eat more but my doctor said “stop it, you are stretching it” so I’m not sure. I’m trying to watch and be careful about how much I’m eating. I realized that I have not gotten sick after eating since sometime in September. Which I thought was a good thing. I thought I was adjusting to eating the right amounts. I didn’t get sick after I ate often (maybe once a week, or maybe twice) and not always because I ate too much, sometimes I ate too fast or didn’t chew well enough. I was also getting sick a lot less then the Aunt. She said she felt bulimic she was throwing up so much. So I thought I was just learning to eat the right amount. Now I’m a little worried that I just stretched my sleeve. I REALLY don’t want to stretch my sleeve!!!!!!! So I’m trying to be much more careful of how much I eat and to slow down a bit too.



So this is my status at my six month sleevaversary. Here are my stats



-67lbs

-8 inches at my hips

-7 inches at my waist

Size 16, bordering on 14 I think.



I want to lose another 30-40lbs. I’ll be happy with 30 because then I will be at the adult weight I maintained the longest but if I can lose 40 I’ll be at my lowest adult weight again. I’d also like to get back into a size 10 or 8 pant. I used to wear either size depending on the style. If I could get into a 6 I would be ecstatic because that is what I used to be up top and if I could actually be proportional for a change I would be in heaven. So those are my goals. I think I can get to my goal by March 1st. What do you all think?

Just in case anyone out there reading is new to the sleeve or my story I will tell you that I would not trade a minute of the last six months. Even on those bad tummy days when I was stuck with my head in the toilet or right surgery when the gas pain kept me up all night. It was all worth it! I would do it all again if I had to make the choice knowing what I know now. I feel so much better! I feel healthier and more energized, I feel more self confident and happy. Food doesn’t rule my life or haunt my nightmares. It was the best decision I ever made!

The Little Black Dress

I’ve heard it said that all women need a little black dress. The little black dress is sexy and sophisticated. It can’t be dressed up or dressed down. It is sliming and stylish, a timeless classic. I have never had a little black dress before. Even when I was skinny before I hadn’t found one that I liked. Well I now own a little black dress. I was so excited when I bought it. (On sale too, originally 59.50, got it for 29.50). I ordered the dress online because I thought that the style might flatter me and the price was right. I figured if it didn’t fit (which I was betting it wouldn’t) I would just send it back. I got it in the mail and I couldn’t believe what happened when I put it on. It fit and looked good. Of course Mummy-dearest, my toughest critic, felt the need to inform me that my legs are too chunky and it would look better once I’ve lost more weight. But I figure if that is the worst she had to say then it was probably alright.


So I wore it last night and got a great reaction. Everyone told me how great I looked. Coach really liked it. Aunt Superficial told me I looked stupendous. I was feeling self conscious because I had never worn this sort of dress before but it seemed to go over well. We were at a dedication for new area of our local hospital. I did realize shortly after we got there that it was a little low cut to be wearing around my grandfather, and later in the evening once I got home I even ended up having it slip a little too low and show off my new bra. But still I consider it a success. Pictures are soon to follow.

Also, I have had a bit of a stall for the last few weeks. I have been getting really frustrated. This week I have seriously cut down on my calories and upped my work out. Yesterday before pumpkin time I weighed myself to find that I had broken the stall and lost two pounds. Now I just have to keep the loosing going. Hopefully I can. I also realized that I have not gotten sick in a long while. I don’t remember the last time I ate too much, too fast, or the wrong thing and made myself sick. So that’s gotta be a good sign. I did notice that those weeks where I wasn’t losing my protein was down a bit. So next week I may experiment and see what happens if I increase my calories and protein a bit. Will I keep losing or not? Hmmm. We will see.

First Comment

Hey everyone. I don't have a lot of time now but I wanted to share that yesteray I got my first comment on my weight loss from a co-worker. None of them know I had surgery. I have told a few I was on a diet. But yesterday I ran into a coworker who I don't get to see very often anymore and she asked if I had lost weight. This is the first time someone at work has noticed. Mommy-Dearest was like "Duh", when I told her but I still thought it was a good thing. It means I  have lost enough that people are noticing. More people then just my family who know I'm trying to lose. So I thought it was a good thing. I was really tempted to say yes, I've lost 60lbs, but I didn't. I just said that yes I had and thanks for noticing.

No News is Good News I guess

Good afternoon readers! I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while but really there hasn’t been much to talk about. I have currently lost 61lbs. I have been trying to cut back my calories a bit because my weight loss has slowed down a bit and I am only losing one or two pounds a week. Unfortunately my schedule has been weird and I have only made it to the gym twice a week. One thing that is nice though is that I took three weeks off from the gym due to hectic schedules and was really rejuvenated by the break. I was riding the exercise bike for an hour or more before. Now between the break and losing more weight I have more energy and have been able to start my workout with a short run on the elliptical machine and then move to the bike. I have a bad knee so I can’t do things with impact. But I feel better being able to run on the elliptical.


One bad habit I’ve been getting into is drinking too much. Or wait I mean too often. I love wine. I have loved wine since I spent a summer in Italy. So at the end of a long day I find it very nice to sit down with a glass and relax. Those are calories I definitely don’t need. Also since the surgery I don’t like other liquor very much. I never drank beer. So when my boyfriend is having a few drinks on the weekend, I’m drinking wine. Once or twice during the week too. That is too many calories. I really have to cut back. But since I really do enjoy my wine (the taste, not the buzz) It’s tough. Part of the cutting back plan is that I try not to buy it. If it’s not in the house I can’t drink it. It’s working slowly. I just remind myself that I’ll lose weight faster if I’m not drinking it.

I have also learned that milkshakes are bad. My tiny tummy does not like them which is a bummer because I love them. I don’t have them very often but I do love them. I went with my co workers to have a short meeting at Potbelly’s sandwiches the other day and I had already eaten lunch but I thought a small milkshake would be yummy. Now I didn’t intend to drink the whole thing. I knew my stomach couldn’t do that. I planned on drinking half of the small and just enjoying it a little bit. Unfortunately after about a fourth of that little milkshake I started to feel sick. I stopped drinking it but it was too late. I started to feel a little dizzy, then I had hot flashes, and next I was running to the bathroom. I went back to my desk and cuddled in my chair in a ball hoping my tiny tummy would stop hurting me. I realized that I have had a milkshake a couple of times since the surgery and I got sick every time. I thought it was a coincidence but I’m starting to think that I was wrong. That will make me sad if I can no longer have milkshakes.

Also my doctor decided to cut back on my anti-depressant. She thinks that now that I am lighter I can get by with less meds. Actually she was right. She was asking me about how I had been feeling and we discovered that I had been having a reaction to the extra meds. It hadn’t even occurred to me. So we’ve cut back and the weird things I was feeling have gone away. I did have some days this week when I was in a bad mood but that could just be normal bad moods, not a reaction to the lowering of the meds. I’m not sure. I’ll just keep an eye on it but I think I’m ok.



So that is about it. Nothing more to report here. I hope you are all well. Have a good weekend!

Clothes Horse

Good Afternoon readers! Sorry I haven’t written in a bit but I haven’t had much to report lately. I feel great today. I have been spending too much money updating my fall wardrobe and enjoying it. I’m trying not to buy too much because I am still shrinking but I’ve had to buy some things. I only have two pairs of pants in the size I am wearing now so I had to buy another pair. I don’t have any in the next size down so I have ordered a few so I am prepared when I drop my next size. I have bought some tops and sweaters but a lot of those will fit as I lose. My upper body always looses weight first. Right now I’m really in-between so I have a tiny waist but huge hips. I carry most of my weight in my lower body so it takes longer to lose there. Some of the tops might get too big but most probably won’t. They’ll just fit better or a little loose. Not a problem.


Of course though my mother has to tell me how fat my thighs look and how I dress badly and don’t hide it. Sorry I choose not to live in sweat pants but I actually leave the house. Today I am wearing a completely new outfit and I love it. Surprisingly enough Mummy dearest actually loved it too. That is a rarity. So I’m feeling pretty today. I wish Coach could see me but I won’t see him until we go to the gym tonight. We have been very bad and have taken the last two weeks off and we need to kick our routine back in.

Coach’s parents have been so supportive. Every time I go over to his house his mother says “I can’t believe how skinny you look” and yesterday his dad pointed out that my pants are getting too big. Coach is so wonderful too. He was worried that their comments might bother me. I told him no, they don’t. Since Mummy-dearest has been so nasty with her comments lately it’s nice to have someone tell me I look good. My friend Sweets is trying to lose weight now too. Her sister is getting married and she wants to look good for the wedding. She has trouble finding a diet plan that works for her too. I suggested she look into the sleeve. I don’t know if it would be the right thing for her but researching it would help her determine that for herself. She decided against it though. She has been using weight watchers and says its working. So I’m happy for her. I think that those few miserable moments would be harder on her then they were on me so she probably made the right choice.

Also I am reminded that you really need to be determined and committed for this tool to help you. The Aunt said to me the other day that she walked all over on her vacation and didn’t lose a pound. The way she said it made me think “what do you want me to do about it” Like it was my fault or something. (Actually she decided to do this first, I was just the one who made the doctor’s appointment and had the surgery first). I asked her what she ate on vacation and she said “I didn’t have any desserts” which made me think that she probably wasn’t eating the best meals if she only mentioned no desserts. But the thing is I can have dessert. I do sometimes. I just don’t all the time. The bottom line is that it comes down to how committed you are. She didn’t read the research I gathered before the surgery. She hasn’t followed up with the dietitian. She didn’t follow the diet. She says she feels bulimic from all the throwing up she does. If she is getting sick that often then she is eating too much and hasn’t learned to listen to her body. She should have learned that by now. Not to say that I don’t get sick. But it happens more and more rarely. Accidents happen but for the most part I have learned how much is right for my new tiny tummy. I feel bad for her because she got sleeved two weeks after me and has lost twenty pounds less than me. But she is doing it to herself. I keep wondering what our doctor says to her at her visits. Not that she tells him the truth about what she does anyway but I wonder what he says. Oh well sigh, can’t do anything about it.

Well folks, I just wanted to write a little something and keep you up to date on my progress. Keep reading and I’ll keep writing when I have something worth saying.

Wedding Bliss!

I had such a great weekend! A friend of mine got married this weekend and I went to the wedding with Coach. I dreaded having to find something to wear for this wedding (As you probably read in my last post). But with Diva’s help we did manage to find a dress I liked. Coach really liked my dress, which makes me happy. I felt a little self conscious at first because it’s been so long since I wore a dress and because I had to use this weird stick on bra to avoid straps and showing bra in the back. But it all worked out. I got a ton of compliments on the dress. Everyone loved it! One of the girls from the bachelorette party came up and said she could tell that I had lost more weight since the party. I smiled and said yes I had and thanked her for noticing. Coach and I talked to my friends and danced all night long. It was so much fun. The food was really good which was a bit of a problem. I thought I had done alright. I had eaten a little much but I was ok. Then I made that crucial mistake: I unconsciously took a sip from my water glass. The minute I swallowed I knew I was in trouble. I felt that little sip hit my already full stomach and make it too full. A few minutes later I was running to the bathroom to expel some of that extra meal. Luckily I felt much better afterwards and have perfected the art of throwing up without making a mess of myself. So I could go back to the party and pretend that nothing happened. I will admit that I drank a lot that night. Everyone did. But it wasn’t too bad. I was dancing so much I figured I probably burned those calories right back off and I only had a slight headache the next morning. The next day my stomach didn’t like me that much though. At least not for a while. I slept in and missed breakfast so I was really hungry when lunch came around. I started eating that too quickly so after a couple of bites I was feeling sick and couldn’t finish my lunch. But I did have a good dinner. So alls well that ends well. I had a fabulous time, I looked great, and I felt great. Pictures to follow soon!

Static cling issues here

The Perils of Dress Shopping

Welcome back readers! It’s back to work after the long holiday weekend. And what am I doing? Blogging for you folks, Nice huh? LOL


Anyway, I enjoyed my little break. Monday I got to take a big box of too big clothes over to my friend Diva’s house for her to see if she wants anything. After she is done trying them on I’ll take the rest and put it aside for consignment once I have more to add. That was kinda fun. It’s nice to be able to say that I am too skinny for those clothes. And it makes me feel good to be able to help her out a little because she doesn’t really have extra money for new clothes. A lot of those clothes are new and were only worn a few times or some were never worn at all.

Diva also went with me to find a dress for my friend’s wedding next weekend. Now that was not something I was looking forward to (dress shopping, I’m excited about the wedding). Dress shopping for me is usually a horrible experience. I realized that even when I liked my body there is some kind of strange voodoo with those dressing room mirrors that make you look like the Pillsbury Doughboy. No matter how happy you are with yourself those mirrors make the worst flaws jump out at you and consume your vision. Then, when you are already overweight the lighting makes you look in the mirror and say “Holy Cottage Cheese Ass!” and makes you feel terrible about yourself. Then add the extra shame of not being able to find anything in your size (because the only things left are size zero and no one who breaths can actually wear something that small). And the additional despair of finding that even the few things you can find in your size don’t fit right, don’t look good, or aren’t as cute as that sweater that is only available in Barbie doll size. Really shopping is a traumatic experience for so many people and can be even for those skinny Minnies out there too.

So I wasn’t not looking forward to this but I had nothing appropriate to wear to a wedding. I already went to the Bachelorette party in too casual an outfit and I was not doing that again. I was just glad that I finally hit the negative fifty pound mark and kept in mind that this was going to be so much easier then it would have been four months ago. So we trudged off to the mall determined to search every store until I found something to wear next weekend.

Then something surprising happened. I expected to find that no dresses fit me right because I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. I am so disproportionate that I have always had trouble with dresses, even at my lowest weight. But that was not my problem this time. I am wearing a size 16 pants which I found translated into a 14 dress in order to fit me up top (I do not have size 16 boobs). I found that a lot of the styles out there for dresses right now actually work with my shape. There are a lot of dresses that have poofy bottoms so when I put them on they make it look like it’s the dress and not me that poofs out at the hips. It actually hid my thighs. The problem came though, that a lot of those dresses are short. We are talking Butt Floss Short. I have never had attractive legs. As I said I carry my weight below the waist so my calves are chunky. Short does not work for me. The second problem was that everyone was out of my size (because most women actually prefer not to look like a victim of starvation) so most of the dresses that were available were in the itty-bitty-no room for flesh on this skeleton-sizes.

Our search became about finding something in my size and that was long enough to hide some of my cellulite thighs. We went to so many stores and I tried on so many dresses. But I wasn’t getting as upset as I usually do. I didn’t find it as depressing. I felt this time like it was less of a problem with me and more of a problem with stupid designers that make clothes to fit pre-teen boys instead of real women. Eventually I did find a dress that I liked, was a decent length, and looked nice on me. It was also a style I would have never picked for myself, assuming it wouldn’t fit right. But Diva knows her clothes and I was desperate so I tried on anything she wanted me to try. I did spend a little more than I wanted but I think it will be worth it. I may even be able to have the dress taken in when I lose weight so I can keep it after this. Overall it was a successful shopping trip. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. I also forgot that shopping in stores can be fun because you can see a lot of different styles and ways to wear the clothes which you don’t always see when you shop online (that is how I have done all my shopping for years to avoid those evil dressing room mirrors).

I was glad to actually go home from a shopping trip satisfied and not hating myself. All I can say is THANK YOU to my new tiny tummy. Getting sleeved was a god-sent! Hopefully I’ll be able to post some pics from the wedding next week.  :)

The Big 5 Oh!

Just a quick update. The reduced calories seem to be working. I've finally lost those annoying two pounds and hit the 50 pound mark! It's been just over 3 months and I've lost 50 pounds! I've almost hit the half way point to my goal!

More Restrictions

Saturday was my three month check up with my surgeon. He was happy with me because I have continued to lose weight and he says my incisions are healing nicely. I talked to him about my stall and he said he had the answer to why I’ve stopped losing. I’m taking in too many calories. He says I need to cut back from my 800 to 600 calories. And I should increase my cardio. Yippee(I’m sure you can hear my enthusiasm).


In some ways it’s not a big deal to cut back. I mean it’s only two hundred calories and It’s not like I’ll be hungry. But it’s difficult to get enough protein with only 600 calories and it means I really have to limit my choices. Not much variety for me anymore. My plan for my basic diet is

Breakfast : Oatmeal ( I usually only eat half a package of sugar free instant but sometimes a whole one) 55-110 calories

Lunch: veggies with a little ranch dressing and a Carnation Instant breakfast shake ( about 200 calories)

Snack: ½ a bottle of Isopure Protein water (75 calories)

Dinner: Carnation Instant Breakfast (150 calories)

That will leave me with a little bit left over for a small snack if I am hungry. Yippee. Very boring. I might be able to substitute a cup of soup for lunch some times. Hopefully this will start working and my weight loss will start up again. Then I’ll feel more motivated to stick to this diet.

On a Non-diet related note: I got a new car this weekend!!! I am so excited. I have been saving for a long time to buy myself a new car. Luckily my brother just got a job at Ford so I got his discount, and I got a really good price on my trade in. So I had just enough for my new car. I love it. It’s so nice and fun to have a new car!

A Shout Out and a Rant

Good Morning Readers! First thing, I have to give a big shout out and Congratulations to the Wanning Woman for hitting her 100 pound loss! Big cheers for her joining the Centruary club! I’m so happy for you! And a little jealous which is small of me.


So Saturday is my next visit to my surgeon and I am so frustrated! My weight loss slowed down and now it has just stalled completely. ARGH! I even changed out the batteries in my scale, hoping that it was inaccurate because it was flashing low battery. No such luck! So Tuesday I started a semi liquid diet to try to jump start the weight loss. Sometimes changing what you are eating helps. I am trying not to drop calories though. I am trying to keep to my 800 calories but use this to change what I am eating and to up my protein. I have a protein shake for breakfast, I eat real food for lunch, I have my protein water for an afternoon snack (no sugar, 40gm of protein 160 calories), and then a protein shake for dinner. If I feel hungry or need more calories I have something like a cheese stick for a snack. So far nothing has happened. It hasn’t helped. If I don’t get some movement by the weekend I will go completely back to the pre-op liquid diet. I am at -48lbs and I want to at least hit fifty by Saturday. I should have lost 56 right now to stay on course to loose everything in six months.

To add to the frustration/confusion of all this my pants feel loose. I don’t get it. I haven’t lost a pound since I first started wearing these pants last Monday. Last Monday I wore these pants for the first time and they were a little tight. Since them I have worn them a few times and I have washed and dryed them. I thought they would be tight again after washing them but no, they aren’t. They feel loose and they look a little loose too. I don’t get it. While that is good it just adds to the frustration.

Saturday I went to a BBQ with some bigger friends of my boyfriend’s. I was doing ok at first just nibbling at the chips and dip. But when they brought out burgers earlier then I was ready for I was worried everyone would notice how little I was eating compared to everyone else. Between that and everything to drink being carbonated I was almost ready to come clean about my surgery. But I didn’t. I managed to sit behind a ton of chip bags so no one saw my plate. But ever since I have been wanting carbs. It’s weird. I haven’t had food cravings much since surgery. If I do have them it has been just a twinge that I could ignore. But the last few days it’s been annoying. I don’t know why I just want to eat chips and pizza. My work provided pizza for lunch the other day and I had one piece but since then I have wanted more. It’s just so strange to have cravings and it’s weird to crave something that I can barely eat. I mean I can have a few bites but they fill me up quickly. Usually if I can only eat a tiny bit of something, I loose my craving after I think of that. Very strange.



Well everyone, Wish me luck and cross your fingers that I manage to end this stall. Thanks!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

I had such a great weekend! One of my friends is getting married next month and this weekend was her bachelorette party. I was so excited to see her and my other former roommate. The night was such a blast! She had the party out of town so that we could all stay at a hotel together where the bars were walking distance away. That way no one would have to worry about driving.


I was a little worried about how to deal with the sleeve mixing with the party. First step, since I don’t want people to know about the surgery I had to make sure neither of my former roommates noticed my scars while I was changing into my party clothes. That one I managed pretty well. The other girls there wouldn’t notice because they don’t know me and wouldn’t know that the big scar on my belly button was a new thing. We decided to really make it an occasion we would all dress up. They wanted everyone in a dress but I don’t wear dresses. I am so bottom heavy that it is really hard to find dresses that fit me so I stay away from them (skirts also fit me terrible). So I ended up being the only one in pants. But what can you do?

We went to dinner first. The restaurant was pretty nice and I was worried about what to order. Luckily two of the other girls wanted to be careful of what they ate because they thought too much food with all the alcohol they would be drinking would make them sick. So we all ordered appetizers and split them. I thought I did a really good job about not eating too much. But when I got up to use the ladies room I found out I had another purpose for that trip.  Luckily it wasn’t too bad. Next we had tickets for a comedy show. It was upstairs in the same place we had dinner at. This was a little awkward. There was a two drink minimum at the comedy club. The show wasn’t very long and it was hard for me to drink two drinks in that time period. But by get one that was a little smaller I just managed it. At that point I was feeling a little happy because I haven’t had much liquor since my surgery. Pretty much only a little wine. I was worried that I was going to be really hung over the next day. Also I knew that with my new tiny tummy I couldn’t drink as much water to make up for all the bad drinks.

Next we went back to the hotel room for cake, gifts, and party games. I was so proud that I had no need for cake. I thought one bit would be nice but I didn’t want to waste the rest, so I just said no thank you. Everyone else managed to devour it. Next stop was a bar two blocks down the street. There we went straight to the bar for shots with the Bachelorette and then off to the dance floor! I think we danced for at least an hour. When I got too hot and the music turned to something I didn’t like I got a water to help me stay steady. We spent a little more time there dancing and hanging out. Then they decided to head back to the first place we had been. So we went back. I drank another glass of water and half of another drink. The Bachelorette was hungry at this point and we ordered pizza’s for the group. I had one small slice, which was appreciated by my tiny tummy after all of the dancing.

We spent a while just hanging out and talking there until the bar closed down. We walked back to the hotel where I bought a bottle of water to sip all night. We sat up and talked for a while and then headed to bed. A fun time was had by all. I was amazed that I didn’t get drunk and sloppy after not drinking in so long. But really I guess I had four or five drinks throughout a 7 hour period so that isn’t too bad. I was very happy to wake up the next morning exhausted, but not hung over. I actually felt pretty good except for wishing I could sleep longer. I then spent the day with my friend Sweets. I never get to see her and since I was out her way I stopped by for the day. I can’t believe how little I ate that day! I didn’t have breakfast because we got up late and there was nothing I could grab quickly. I had lunch with Sweets but I only picked at it. I thought I would normally have eaten more but I got full quick. We hung out all day and then ordered Chinese food for dinner. Again I ate a fraction of what I thought I should have been able to. But four bites and I was full. So I listened to my tummy and let it be. I did start to feel hungry around ten PM but at that point I was climbing in bed and just too tired to eat. How great is that! I don’t think I could ever have done that pre-sleeve. I would have had to eat or I wouldn’t have slept. Gotta Love it!

So my tiny tummy and I had an exciting and enjoyable weekend together and managed to get through with only one minor incident. I think we are finally learning to co-exsist. 

Stall!

Good Afternoon friends!


I hope everyone out there in Cyberland is doing well. I am currently full of frustration. I have only lost half a pound this week. I know that stalls are normal and that everyone goes through them. But the timing on this one really sucks! I think that is the most frustrating part. I have lost 44.5 lbs and I am soooo close to that fifty pound mark. I want to hit it so badly! I’ve been trying to be really careful not to go over my 800 calories and stay away from sugar but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Two weeks of only losing two pounds and now a stall! Argh! And I have a doctor’s appointment in two weeks! My goal was to be down 56lbs by then! My doctor told me that I could lose all the weight I want to lose in six months if I am good. That would require me to lose three pounds a week. That way I would be a skinny Minnie for Christmas and start off the New Year as a New Woman! But I am so afraid that stalls will keep that from happening.

It is really frustrating to me. Even with all of my weight loss so far, I don’t really feel smaller. I don’t feel like I’ve lost weight. I know I have. I can see the number on the scale. My clothes are too big. But I guess I still feel like a fat girl. I keep weighting to feel like I’m different and I haven’t. I felt a little different on vacation this year because I wasn’t as embarrassed in my bathing suit. But then I saw some pictures and was still disgusted with how big I am. So that doesn’t make me happy. I did like seeing a picture that Coach took of me on Christmas Eve last year with the camera I had gotten him. I compared that to a picture that he took on vacation and I couldn’t believe the difference in my face. Those are in my last post if you are curious. But I still just don’t feel the loss yet.

I know I need to work out more. I definitely pushed harder this week but I’m not going to be able to get more days in because I’m going away this weekend. I’m probably not going to feel skinny this weekend either. I’m going to a friend’s bachelorette party and there will be tons of pretty, skinny girls there. We are supposed to wear a dress but I don’t wear dresses. They don’t fit me right because I carry most of my weight in my butt and thighs. So I will probably end up being the only one there in pants. I know I need to get more protein in too. I was doing really well but since my vacation I’ve had trouble getting back in good habits. Sigh.

I know I shouldn’t be complaining. I had a stall right after surgery but it’s been almost three months and I have been losing at a good rate. I was due for this. But I guess knowing that it is normal and will pass doesn’t help keep the frustration at bay. I am also at in between sizes right now which doesn’t help. My 18 pants are all too big and my 16 pants are all just a little too small. Plus all of the shirts that are the next size down are just tight in the arms. Everywhere else they fit. Argh! I was hoping to see my box of too big clothes fill up faster then it has been. Well maybe some girl time is a good thing to distract me. Hopefully some partying will put me in a better frame of mind.