End of the Food Addiction

Currently I am three weeks out from my surgery, which also places me at one week out from starting the liquid diet. For the last few weeks since I decided to have the surgery I have decided to stop worrying about what I eat. No More Dieting. Can you imagine? I mean I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t on some kind of a diet. I decided since I was going to be so restricted soon I would just stop worrying about it for a while. At first it was amazing! I felt free and like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was so much easier to eat without having to judge everything I put in my mouth. It was great. I was so much happier. Did you catch the “At First”?

I will admit that this has caused me to gain a few pounds which I’m not that worried about. But now after a few weeks I feel sick of food! Crazy I know. But there are just too many options when nothing is restricted. It’s too hard to make a decision. Plus I find myself disappointed a lot. Like Tuesday I ate at the Mexican place that I would have avoided before because of the unhealthy cheeses, but it was kind of blah tasting and ended up giving me an upset stomach. Even my favorite foods that I have been free to indulge in are now becoming boring and I’m feeling sick of them. I start to select them out of habit and then think “really? Again?”. Considering how great it felt at the beginning I’m a little shocked that here I am, a week away from the liquid diet and when I had expected to be enjoying some “Last suppers” of my favorite dishes I find myself totally uninterested. I am actually looking forward to the restriction of the liquid diet because then I don’t have to make a choice. There will be no “what will I have for lunch today” it will just be, grab a boost and move on. I never expected that! I have even thought about starting the diet early but I think I will be more successful at it and less likely to cheat if I wait. I’m not worried about the after surgery part because from what I have read on other people’s blogs, I won’t want to eat after surgery. I’ll be forcing down those 800 Calories and won’t be hungry. So I am not too concerned. I think this actually might help me because instead of craving my favorite foods I’ll be sick of them by the time next week rolls around.

One thing I am a little worried about is hiding my diet at work. I started a new job almost two months ago and I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I have been leaving for lunch every day and spending a part of my lunch hour reading so I figure I will just keep doing that. But It’s going to be really hard when people bring in treats for everyone to turn them down, not because I want the snack, but because I don’t want people to notice I’m not eating. Also after surgery when I can only eat a little bit of a time and will probably be sucking on a boost all day just to get one down, how will I keep people from noticing? I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean I don’t notice what other people in the office eat. But I feel self conscious. What will I do on Bagel Fridays when everyone is gathered around the kitchen chatting and eating bagels ? I guess I will deal. I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean come on, the world does not revolve around me here. My co-workers have much more to pay attention to than my eating habits! It’s not like I’ll be spotlighted every time I grab a boost instead of a bagel. Gotta keep it real here.

Even with that concern, I CAN’T WAIT!!! 20 Days Until I’m Sleeved!!!!

The Countdown begins!

Hello there Girls and Boys! So here we are, I have a surgery date set and today is officially one month until surgery. I am really bummed because the nurse at the doctor’s office lead me to believe that if I got my paperwork in soon enough I could go at the end of April. So that is a bummer but at least it is all set. So the countdown has begun. Thirty days from today I will be sleeved and start a new life free from that ball and chain that food has become. I can’t wait. In anticipation of this miraculous event I am making all kinds of preparations. I have purchased gummy vitamins for after the surgery. I am buying and trying different protein shakes. I have even bought a couple tops that are a size smaller in order to be sure that I have work clothes. I know, I’m probably going overboard but it’s constantly on my mind.

I have been getting lots of support from my boyfriend, Coach and from Mummy-dearest. Red and the Aunt have been really supportive too. I was not so thrilled with Mr. Crabby-Ass last week though. He has been really negative about the whole thing. Both of my brothers think that doing this is cheating. HELLO, at least four weeks on a liquid diet is cheating??? I mean come on! I am completely changing my life and my stomach. I am not going to be able to just diet for a while, drop the weight and go back to life as usual. This is a permanent change! It’s a life choice, not just a diet!

 I don’t know why they don’t get that. I mean for Mr. Crabby-Ass to lose weight he ate very small breakfast and lunches and then had a can of dry plain tuna for dinner every night. Yuck! (I’d rather go on the liquid diet) But then when he was done loosing he went back to life as normal. I was shocked to run into him at a baseball game with a huge plate of nachos covered in cheese! Luckily, even though Mr. Crabby-Ass has been spreading his poisonous thoughts in Mummy-dearest’s ears she hasn’t been buying. It’s made her curious and she has asked a few questions just for the sake of having answers but she is still whole-heartedly on my side. She also defends my choice to Mr. Crabby-Ass who insists that he is only doing this because he cares. I’m not so sure about that. But Mummy-dearest has to be behind me on this because she is holding the purse strings. My insurance won’t cover it so she is paying. I’m glad he hasn’t been able to persuade her otherwise. It was her idea to begin with after her friend had the surgery and was so happy.


So I am anxiously awaiting May 19th. But unfortunately I don’t think my fat pants will make it that long. I just started a new job in an environment where I have to dress professionally. My last job had a very casual atmosphere so I was able to wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. I didn’t have the clothes for this job. I have bought a few things to try to get me by until I start losing weight since I didn’t want to waste my money. But my one pair of dress pants is starting to get a hole so it’s looking like I will have to spend the money to buy another pair of fat pants. Which pisses me off. I’ll get them and wear them for maybe four weeks, less if I lose on the pre-op diet. That sucks since I am trying to save up money for a house and a new car. Its money I don’t really need to spend right now. :P But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Once I star loosing I’ll be ok I think because I’ll have all the clothes that I wore while I got to this crazy weight. So that shouldn’t be too bad. Sigh. 30 days and counting…….