Non-Sleeve Related Musings

Good Afternoon!


Until now I have been hesitant to use this blog as a forum for my general thoughts and feelings not related to my sleeve. I have shared this blog with my boyfriend, my cousin Red, and my best friend Sweets. So I figured that just in case one of them read something I posted and misinterpreted it, or if I wanted to write about one of them I would keep this strictly sleeve related. But as far as I know, they have pretty much stopped checking out this blog as I have adjusted to my sleeve. So maybe it would be ok to use this site to vent some of my general thoughts and feelings. I’m not talking about bitching here. I’m talking about musings that I have in passing that I may never think to discuss out loud, or that maybe are too abstract to discuss. I don’t know. Just my thoughts I guess. I won’t even charge you readers a penny for them. And if any of you would like to give feedback I’d be more then happy get to get it. So here we go, Sorry, it’s gonna be a non sleeve related post.

Is there such a thing as being too forgiving or too accepting? I mean where do you draw the line between that and being a doormat. What if someone isn’t exactly wiping their metaphorical feet on you, but they are still a little off? If it doesn’t bother you in the big picture how much of a stink do you make about it? My experience is with Coach, my boyfriend. The big man has hissy fits occasionally. I mean fits like a twelve year old girl with screaming and door slamming and everything. Now I will say that this is a very rare occurrence. They are also never directed at me. I would not stand for that. These boots would be walking my ass right out of there if that was the case.

Usually when this comes up I forcefully tell him to knock it off and he settles a bit and starts talking more calmly and rationally and eventually calms down. But last night it was not happening. He wasn’t even listening to me. He starting have his fit outside and I could hear him in the house. He was yelling about our broken back door and started screaming and slamming it over and over. He was actually stomping his feet! I tried to get his attention but nothing worked. So I decided that I was not going to indulge that behavior by trying to calm him down or discussing it. I just ignored him. He even threw some stuff. I did not speak to him until he was rational and calm. He just railed at the door for a bit and finally came inside and told me what he planned to fix it. I told him that was fine and offered ways I could help the situation. Then I told him he needed to control his temper and he started making jokes.

When these outbursts happen he always gets very upset with himself afterwards. He apologized to me, which I pretty much ignored since he wasn’t yelling at me. But sometimes he does do this to his parents or in front of his parents and afterwards he always get ups upset and calls himself a bastard and apologizes. I always tell him that he needs to learn to control himself because this is what always happens. That he ends up ashamed of himself. Again I would like to say that these are a rare occurrence. Like once every one or two months. But still they seem very childish and immature to me. They aren’t productive and are just a little ridiculous for an adult man.

So here is my concern, should I be more bothered by this? I mean when he does it, it pisses me off and I tell him so. But other then that I don’t really think about it or care. I mean is this a big deal or just the type of thing that is a stupid annoyance. Am I being too forgiving by letting it go after “I’m sorry”? I don’t like the behavior and I try to discourage it when it happens. But since it doesn’t happen every time he gets mad and he never directs it at me, is being forgiving and accepting a bad thing? Is it ok for me to say that this is just something he needs to grow out of and encourage him to cultivate the tools to do that? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s bad. But I know other people would not feel the same way. Some people would maybe even think it’s a deal breaker. So what do I do with this? Am I wrong here?

If you have made it this far I would like to thank you for reading my musings.