End of the Food Addiction

Currently I am three weeks out from my surgery, which also places me at one week out from starting the liquid diet. For the last few weeks since I decided to have the surgery I have decided to stop worrying about what I eat. No More Dieting. Can you imagine? I mean I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t on some kind of a diet. I decided since I was going to be so restricted soon I would just stop worrying about it for a while. At first it was amazing! I felt free and like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was so much easier to eat without having to judge everything I put in my mouth. It was great. I was so much happier. Did you catch the “At First”?

I will admit that this has caused me to gain a few pounds which I’m not that worried about. But now after a few weeks I feel sick of food! Crazy I know. But there are just too many options when nothing is restricted. It’s too hard to make a decision. Plus I find myself disappointed a lot. Like Tuesday I ate at the Mexican place that I would have avoided before because of the unhealthy cheeses, but it was kind of blah tasting and ended up giving me an upset stomach. Even my favorite foods that I have been free to indulge in are now becoming boring and I’m feeling sick of them. I start to select them out of habit and then think “really? Again?”. Considering how great it felt at the beginning I’m a little shocked that here I am, a week away from the liquid diet and when I had expected to be enjoying some “Last suppers” of my favorite dishes I find myself totally uninterested. I am actually looking forward to the restriction of the liquid diet because then I don’t have to make a choice. There will be no “what will I have for lunch today” it will just be, grab a boost and move on. I never expected that! I have even thought about starting the diet early but I think I will be more successful at it and less likely to cheat if I wait. I’m not worried about the after surgery part because from what I have read on other people’s blogs, I won’t want to eat after surgery. I’ll be forcing down those 800 Calories and won’t be hungry. So I am not too concerned. I think this actually might help me because instead of craving my favorite foods I’ll be sick of them by the time next week rolls around.

One thing I am a little worried about is hiding my diet at work. I started a new job almost two months ago and I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I have been leaving for lunch every day and spending a part of my lunch hour reading so I figure I will just keep doing that. But It’s going to be really hard when people bring in treats for everyone to turn them down, not because I want the snack, but because I don’t want people to notice I’m not eating. Also after surgery when I can only eat a little bit of a time and will probably be sucking on a boost all day just to get one down, how will I keep people from noticing? I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean I don’t notice what other people in the office eat. But I feel self conscious. What will I do on Bagel Fridays when everyone is gathered around the kitchen chatting and eating bagels ? I guess I will deal. I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean come on, the world does not revolve around me here. My co-workers have much more to pay attention to than my eating habits! It’s not like I’ll be spotlighted every time I grab a boost instead of a bagel. Gotta keep it real here.

Even with that concern, I CAN’T WAIT!!! 20 Days Until I’m Sleeved!!!!

Passed out

Friday was fairly tramatic for me. I had to go get my pre-op clearance from the doctor. I had my EKG and then went for my blood tests. There they noticed that the hospital had put on the forms that I had to get my blood typing done at that hospital. I decided to let them do the other blood tests there since I was already there and worry about the hospital later. I had my chest x-ray too. When they tried to take my blood they had a little trouble. The nurse wanted to know if I had had enough to drink and suggested I wasn’t hydrated enough. After I decided that I might as well go to the hospital and get everything done. That didn’t go so well. The nurse tried the arm that hadn’t been done yet and she couldn’t find my vein. She called another nurse who decided to try my wrist. I was nervous about that (I was nervous about the whole thing cause I hate needles). I started to feel kinda sick and before I knew it I was laying with my head on my arm and unable to talk to the freaked nurses. I passed out. I almost had to come back another day but they said that they got just enough blood for the test. The whole experience is not giving me a lot of faith in that hospital.

Last night I went out with Diva. Diva is a friend from high school. I knew I couldn’t/shouldn’t tell her about my surgery because she would think it was too extreme. I found out last night that I was defiantly right. Diva has always been a little on the heavy side. She is also tall and big boned. In high school she used to say that she was an amazon LOL. After high school she gained a lot of weight but recently she had lost it. I haven’t seen her in almost two months. In that time she has gained some back and she isn’t too happy about that. Diva is a smart woman with little common sense about life. She has always had money troubles and right now those are the cause of her weight gain. I realized I definitely couldn’t tell her about this. I am not going through insurance to pay for my surgery. I know Diva’s insurance wouldn’t pay for it either, plus she would never be able to take off work for the amount of time she would need to recover. I felt like telling her would be like saying that I have the money to pay to be skinny. No matter how carefully I tried she would still believe that was the case. I had a great time with her but I know that next time I see her I will have some questions to answer. It will probably be another two months and by then I will have had the surgery.

Who to tell?

Yesterday Mummy-dearest went to her doctor for a physical and was able to ask her some questions about the surgery. So now she has answers to Mr Crabby-Ass’s questions. She found out that no, if I gain weight again after my stomach will not stretch so thin that it bursts like a balloon. LOL Yes he did suggest this to her. So she now has a definite no on that one. That is one hurtle down.
Overall I have decided not to tell anyone about the surgery with the exception of the few people I have to. I knew Coach would be supportive so I didn’t even tell him I was thinking about it until I made the decision. His opinion is that if it is going to make me healthier then it was a good idea. Mummy-dearest is the one who suggested it to me (and is paying for it) so of course she knows. She made me tell my brothers. I knew they would not be supportive but she was under the delusion that they would be. Also, Mr. Not-So-Crabby-Ass will be moving home after he graduates from college on May first. So he will be home when I go through the surgery and am on the liquid diet. Kinda hard to hide that, “No, I just don’t eat solid food anymore.” LOL. So if I had to tell one then I had to tell both. The Aunt was considering doing the surgery with me. She is going to have to wait a bit because she is going on vacation while I’ll be having surgery. And I told Red because she is like my big sister and wouldn’t judge me. She is pretty easy going. That was it. I don’t want any of the rest of my gossipy, and judgemental family to know. I’m just going to tell them that I am on a super strict diet and leave it at that.

But today one of my best friends called and I felt the urge to tell her. It surprised me because I didn’t even consider calling her when I was debating the decision. I just knew that telling my friends was out of the question. I have even felt a little pressure to get together with one of my other close friends because I know with our conflicting schedules it will take a while to get a date to hang out and I want to see her before my liquid diet starts so that I will probably have no trouble not seeing her during the most restrictive part of the diet. That way I can tell her the strict diet story and not have her know about the surgery. I also haven’t told any other friends and have been doing my best to keep it secret. So today when (we’ll call her Sweets, like Dr Sweets from the show Bones), Sweets called I was surprised to feel like I wanted to tell her about it. I don’t think she will be super judgmental or anything. I just felt like I wanted to keep it on the down-low and have as few people know as possible. I don’t know if I should tell her or not. I kinda want to share the news because I am so excited about it. But I also don’t want her to worry about me.

One last note for today, I found this funny. My supportive boyfriend Coach was asking me what I want for my birthday next month. My birthday is a few days after my surgery so going out to dinner is going to be out. I answered that I wasn’t sure what I wanted but that he had plenty of time to figure it out. He laughed and said that he knows what I want. I asked what and he answered that I want jello shots made with sugar-free jello since that is allowed on my diet. LOL How cute is he! That is his way of trying to be supportive. He wasn’t thinking about the fact that I won’t be able to really drink, especially right after surgery but it was still cute and thoughtful of him. It definitely made me laugh, I loved it.

The Countdown begins!

Hello there Girls and Boys! So here we are, I have a surgery date set and today is officially one month until surgery. I am really bummed because the nurse at the doctor’s office lead me to believe that if I got my paperwork in soon enough I could go at the end of April. So that is a bummer but at least it is all set. So the countdown has begun. Thirty days from today I will be sleeved and start a new life free from that ball and chain that food has become. I can’t wait. In anticipation of this miraculous event I am making all kinds of preparations. I have purchased gummy vitamins for after the surgery. I am buying and trying different protein shakes. I have even bought a couple tops that are a size smaller in order to be sure that I have work clothes. I know, I’m probably going overboard but it’s constantly on my mind.

I have been getting lots of support from my boyfriend, Coach and from Mummy-dearest. Red and the Aunt have been really supportive too. I was not so thrilled with Mr. Crabby-Ass last week though. He has been really negative about the whole thing. Both of my brothers think that doing this is cheating. HELLO, at least four weeks on a liquid diet is cheating??? I mean come on! I am completely changing my life and my stomach. I am not going to be able to just diet for a while, drop the weight and go back to life as usual. This is a permanent change! It’s a life choice, not just a diet!

 I don’t know why they don’t get that. I mean for Mr. Crabby-Ass to lose weight he ate very small breakfast and lunches and then had a can of dry plain tuna for dinner every night. Yuck! (I’d rather go on the liquid diet) But then when he was done loosing he went back to life as normal. I was shocked to run into him at a baseball game with a huge plate of nachos covered in cheese! Luckily, even though Mr. Crabby-Ass has been spreading his poisonous thoughts in Mummy-dearest’s ears she hasn’t been buying. It’s made her curious and she has asked a few questions just for the sake of having answers but she is still whole-heartedly on my side. She also defends my choice to Mr. Crabby-Ass who insists that he is only doing this because he cares. I’m not so sure about that. But Mummy-dearest has to be behind me on this because she is holding the purse strings. My insurance won’t cover it so she is paying. I’m glad he hasn’t been able to persuade her otherwise. It was her idea to begin with after her friend had the surgery and was so happy.


So I am anxiously awaiting May 19th. But unfortunately I don’t think my fat pants will make it that long. I just started a new job in an environment where I have to dress professionally. My last job had a very casual atmosphere so I was able to wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. I didn’t have the clothes for this job. I have bought a few things to try to get me by until I start losing weight since I didn’t want to waste my money. But my one pair of dress pants is starting to get a hole so it’s looking like I will have to spend the money to buy another pair of fat pants. Which pisses me off. I’ll get them and wear them for maybe four weeks, less if I lose on the pre-op diet. That sucks since I am trying to save up money for a house and a new car. Its money I don’t really need to spend right now. :P But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Once I star loosing I’ll be ok I think because I’ll have all the clothes that I wore while I got to this crazy weight. So that shouldn’t be too bad. Sigh. 30 days and counting…….

Introduction

Good Evening Readers!

So I'll introduce myself, I am (almost) 29 years old and live in Michigan. I am currently living with my mom due to our lovely economy. But I guess I can't really complain. I just got a new job after 8 months of being unemployed. I got a great job in Marketing at an agency that has great benifits and a great envoirnment. I am still feeling my way around because it is such a different atmosphere then I am used to. I have been with my boyfriend for the last three years. He is a great guy who is a total fitness nut. He loves working out and is always obsessing over his muscles,LOL. I have two younger brothers, one who I don't get along with very well. We just never see eye to eye on anything. the other one I get along with alright. But they both always seem crabby and a little angry. I have two cats and a dog. My mom has two dogs. So there are a lot of animals in our house. I'm not surw what else to tell you about me.

I'm starting this blog to record my experience when I get Sleeve Gastrectomy. I have really struggled with my weight the last few years. I have tried every diet, pill, and exercise program you can think of and nothing has really helped. My thyroid doctor had recommended weightloss surgery a few years ago because she didn't know why I wasn't loosing weight. Recently a friend of my mom's got the sleeve and she has been so happy. So my mom suggested it to me. Now I don't do things on impulse. It's just not in my make up (at least not about something big like this). I researched it and decided that I really wanted to do this. I didn't even tell my boyfriend about it until after I made the decision. I knew he would support me, especially if it would make me healthier. But it was a decision I needed to make for myself and by myself. I'm not really telling people I am doing this. Most people think that surgery is too extreme. They just don't understand how it changes the lives of the people who do it. My mom convinced me to tell my brothers and they reacted badly. Basically (like I expected) they didn't understand why I couldn't just get some self control and were very negative. So I'm planning on keeping this to myself.

Right now I am still trying to get the Authorization before I can schedule the surgery. I have approval from my doctor and have met with my surgen. This week I will get my psych eval and then I will be able to schedule surgery. The timing isn't great because I just started a new job but I don't want to wait. All I think about is this surgery and how my life is going to change. I can't wait. I'm so excited.


While reading someone elses blog I read one where the writer used code names for the people in her life. It added entertainment to the blog so I am going to follow this example and do the same. For the purpose of this journal I am going by the name Raven. Here are the others you will encounter here:

Coach- My boyfriend of three years. He is big into health and fitness. The gym is his obsession. So since he helps me in my workouts I call him Coach.

Mommy dearest- would be my mom who I live with.

Red- My favorite Cousin and one of the few people I have told about my surgery

Mr Cranky-ass - My brother who I rarely get a long with

Mr not so Cranky-ass - My youngest brother who I get along with but who is very often crabby.

The Aunt - My closest aunt who is also going to have the surgery. We will be doing this together

I'll probably be adding to the cast of charactors as time goes by. We'll just have to see who comes up.