End of the Food Addiction

Currently I am three weeks out from my surgery, which also places me at one week out from starting the liquid diet. For the last few weeks since I decided to have the surgery I have decided to stop worrying about what I eat. No More Dieting. Can you imagine? I mean I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t on some kind of a diet. I decided since I was going to be so restricted soon I would just stop worrying about it for a while. At first it was amazing! I felt free and like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was so much easier to eat without having to judge everything I put in my mouth. It was great. I was so much happier. Did you catch the “At First”?

I will admit that this has caused me to gain a few pounds which I’m not that worried about. But now after a few weeks I feel sick of food! Crazy I know. But there are just too many options when nothing is restricted. It’s too hard to make a decision. Plus I find myself disappointed a lot. Like Tuesday I ate at the Mexican place that I would have avoided before because of the unhealthy cheeses, but it was kind of blah tasting and ended up giving me an upset stomach. Even my favorite foods that I have been free to indulge in are now becoming boring and I’m feeling sick of them. I start to select them out of habit and then think “really? Again?”. Considering how great it felt at the beginning I’m a little shocked that here I am, a week away from the liquid diet and when I had expected to be enjoying some “Last suppers” of my favorite dishes I find myself totally uninterested. I am actually looking forward to the restriction of the liquid diet because then I don’t have to make a choice. There will be no “what will I have for lunch today” it will just be, grab a boost and move on. I never expected that! I have even thought about starting the diet early but I think I will be more successful at it and less likely to cheat if I wait. I’m not worried about the after surgery part because from what I have read on other people’s blogs, I won’t want to eat after surgery. I’ll be forcing down those 800 Calories and won’t be hungry. So I am not too concerned. I think this actually might help me because instead of craving my favorite foods I’ll be sick of them by the time next week rolls around.

One thing I am a little worried about is hiding my diet at work. I started a new job almost two months ago and I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I have been leaving for lunch every day and spending a part of my lunch hour reading so I figure I will just keep doing that. But It’s going to be really hard when people bring in treats for everyone to turn them down, not because I want the snack, but because I don’t want people to notice I’m not eating. Also after surgery when I can only eat a little bit of a time and will probably be sucking on a boost all day just to get one down, how will I keep people from noticing? I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean I don’t notice what other people in the office eat. But I feel self conscious. What will I do on Bagel Fridays when everyone is gathered around the kitchen chatting and eating bagels ? I guess I will deal. I am probably worrying for nothing. I mean come on, the world does not revolve around me here. My co-workers have much more to pay attention to than my eating habits! It’s not like I’ll be spotlighted every time I grab a boost instead of a bagel. Gotta keep it real here.

Even with that concern, I CAN’T WAIT!!! 20 Days Until I’m Sleeved!!!!