Look! It's a beached Whale!

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen!

You won’t hear from me for the next week or so because I’m going on vacation. I’ll be out of town and away from an internet connection for a whole week. I am so looking forward to the break! I need it! But vacationing brings up a whole new set of issues for my new tiny tummy. I have realized that I won’t be able to weight myself for a week. While I wish I could, it might be a good thing to take a break and then I will hopefully be extra happy when I get back. But it does bring up the issue of clothes. We’ll be at the beach. At this point my body is still not bathing suit worthy. Hell, my body hasn’t been bathing suit worthy since shortly after puberty. But right now I definitely do not want anyone seeing me in a bathing suit. Unfortunately I will be at the beach so if I want to swim, I have to wear a suit. The worst is my legs and butt. I carry all my weight in the lower half of my body and right now they look especially bad because my skin isn’t adjusting as quickly as the rest of me is. My doctor said that overall she didn’t think that the weight-loss would leave me with a ton of extra skin on my legs but right now they are in a weird faze are not attractive. Now my boyfriend has seen me in a suit but it’s still a little different in the glaring light of day on the beach to be seen by people.

Also there is the problem of appropriate beach attire in general. I can’t wear shorts right now. My legs look so unattractive plus they just don’t fit. I don’t have any that I can wear and I wasn’t about to go buy some just for a week of wear, so I am probably going to be hot. I am bringing my wide leg capri’s but they are not very flattering. They look much better then they did 39 pounds ago but still they are lounging pants, not wear around pants and that is what I am doing with them. It’s the only way to stay cool. Another problem is that since this will probably be my only time outside this summer I’d like to get a bit of a tan. But there is no way I am going to lay out in a bathing suit! Hell No! Someone will think a new breed of freshwater whale washed up on the shore!

Next comes the issue of what do I eat? I can’t take my protein drinks with me because they will take up a ton of room in the fridge and because they will get all gross and clumpy in the hot car on the long drive. So I probably won’t get enough protein in all week. For the most part , now I can eat just about anything. There are a few things I try to stay away from though and that will be harder on vacation. I know we’ll end up buying sandwich stuff for lunches and I have trouble with regular breads. I also don’t know what kind of food we will have for breakfasts. I feel awkward because we are going away with Coaches family and I hate to ask them to buy special stuff just for me. I feel bad enough that they pay for all my meals while we are away and they cook for me. It feels like an imposition to ask them to buy special bread for my sandwiches and stuff like that. But then I know they will think it’s weird if I bring my own stuff up with me.



Another issue is the awkwardness of Coaches family trying to cater to my needs. I feel weird when his mom asks what I can and can’t eat and fusses over making sure I’ll like the food and that she buys the right thing. I just feel bad. She gets embarrassed that she is giving me the wrong thing. Like at a family BBQ a few weeks ago she offered me wine and then got embarrassed and asked if I can have it. I just feel bad and like I’m putting them out. I know they will try to plan around my needs and I hate for them to make special arrangements for me. I also feel bad because I know we will go out to eat a lot and I will only be able to eat small amounts. That is the one thing that Coach has not been so good about with all this. He is very thrifty and hates waste so he gets upset when we go out to eat and I end up taking most of my meal home. I eat the leftovers. I turn one meal into three. But he still thinks it’s a waste of money to go out when I can only eat about a fourth of what is on my plate. I try to order things with smaller portions but that doesn’t always work out. I have tried paying for myself but I know Coaches parents will never let me so I’ll feel bad about it. This is the third or fourth time we have gone on this vacation and every time I try to at least buy them dinner once and they never let me.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I should just appreciate their hospitality and not worry about it but I do. I’m not a mouch. I don’t take things or people for granted and I don’t expect to be taken care of. So I feel awkward. I feel bad sometimes when my family spends money on me. I don’t know why. I love spending money on other people and will look for any excuse to buy a present or treat someone to a meal. But I have a hard time accepting that back. I know that if his family is fussing over trying to make me comfortable I should just relax and tell them what I need but I still feel like I am being high maintenance or something. It’s all just an awkward mess.

I am still so looking forward to the trip! I really love Coaches family and I need the break from work. I enjoy getting to spend a whole week straight with him. I have fun with him and his family and it will be a great vacation. There are just lots of weird details.