My hungry is a big orange Muppet monster

I thought that it was stupid until now, but weight watchers sure got it right when they started showing ads with that crazy orange Muppet monster and calling him hungry. He is driving me nuts. If he isn’t rumbling my belly or teasing my tummy then he is poking at my head or doing his little dance with mouth watering treats as his partner.

You might not be able to tell but I am actually doing better today then yesterday. This is day three of my pre-op diet. Yesterday was very hard. I had terrible hunger pains in the afternoon and was thoroughly exhausted. I felt awful. Then to make it worse my office had a party yesterday and there was a ton of yummy food and alcoholic beverages that I couldn’t have. They were all right in front of me too. I could see and hear and smell it all right from my cubical. At first I thought I could go and just drink some diet pop and talk to people but after a couple of minutes I realized that the food was just too tempting. Going back to my desk didn’t help either because everyone was right there. I was getting ready to leave early for the day when a coworker came and asked me to go with her to the party. I am happy and proud to say that I stood there with her (out of view of the food table), sipped my crystal light and talked until the end of the day! I went home and had my boost dinner and took a nap, after which I felt much better.

It really is interesting to see how much food is in my mind though. There are a lot of times where I recognize that my stomach is not hungry, but my head is telling me to be hungry and that I should eat. I’m not used to that hollow feeling in my stomach so it’s hard to remind myself that I’m not actually hungry, just empty. My head also decides that it wants certain foods. I know what a craving feels like in my mouth or my stomach. But now I am noticing them a lot in my head. It’s really interesting and hard to fight. I chew sugar free gum or drink hot tea when I feel like I need to be eating something or chewing. That helps fight the brain hungries. The hot tea also helps the real stomach hungries because the warm liquid makes me feel full. In some ways this hasn’t been too hard but then I think about 12 more days of this and it seems like an eternity. I didn’t realize how good bagels smell until this bagel Friday when I had to walk past them to the coffee machine and back to my desk. So unfair.

I really do feel like that little orange hungry monster is stalking me. He watches be while I work, shows me foods that make my mouth water, fans smells in front of my nose that make my tummy rumble, pokes me in the head, and just is constantly present reminding me that I can’t eat. I saw a commercial last night about smoking where a man was so focused and wanting a cigarette that he didn’t notice a sharks chewing on his arm. I feel like I just have that little monster around me constantly. Food really is an addiction for me. I never realized how much it is an addiction until now. I really am reacting like a person trying to beat cigarettes or alcohol or something. But I guess that is part of the point of all this. I mean these two weeks will be like wiping the slate clean. After the surgery I will be able to start slowly establishing a new relationship with food without any preconceived notions. It will be like everything is new, all the bad habits will be broken and I can move forward into a new life. It really is a fresh start.