Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is the day. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30am and will have my surgery at 10:30. I am so excited and getting anxious now. I have to drive past the hospital on my way to work every morning and when I went by today the anxiety really hit me. I felt shaky and sick and was wishing I had some xanax to take. I was better by the time I got to work but I was a little worried that I would feel that way all day but it did cool down. I have had a few boughts of anxiety through out the day though. I am defiantly nervous. I’ve never had a surgery before and I hate needles. I’m a little worried about freaking out when they try to put in the IV. I am also worried about waking up during the surgery. I know that almost never happens but I heard it as a topic on the radio a few weeks ago and I did wake up early when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I freaked out. I remember feeling the doctor doing things in my mouth and being conscious and thinking “OMG! I’m awake! Why am I wake??!!” and not being able to move or open my eyes. I remember laying there trying to make my voice work so I could tell them I was awake. I was really belligerent afterwards once I could talk and move. I was pissed off! So I am a little worried about the surgery. Mostly I am worried about the before prep and freaking out. I’m not so worried about after surgery. I know I should be a little concerned about feeling sick after but I figure I’ll deal with whatever comes after.

I wish my brothers were a little more supportive. I know they don’t approve and they make me feel like I can’t talk to them about it. They did both volunteer to sit with mummy-dearest during the surgery so she had company. And The Aunt told Red that she had to go and sit with my mom since The Aunt is out of town. But Mummy-Dearest says she doesn’t need anyone to sit with her, it’s a short surgery and she will just read a book. I am more nervous as the day goes on and it just seems to be dragging, especially since I don’t have a lot to do at work today. So I’m going a little nuts. I am also worried about the no eating or drinking after midnight thing. I always get thirsty during the night. And first thing in the morning I have been completely parched the last few weeks. So I am not happy that I can’t drink anything. My online support group has been really supportive and helpful through all of this. I really appreciate it. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the surgery so not many people know and I kind wish I had a little more support from friends right now. But I’m guessing once this part is over I will go back to not wanting people to know. Coach’s mom has been really supportive too. She’s really cute, I think at this point she is more excited about my surgery then I am. Both my family and his have had experience with this surgeon so if it was anyone else she might be nervous but because we all know how good it is no one is too worried, except me 

I am going to bring my Itouch with me to the hospital so I can hopefully access facebook and not feel cut off from everyone while I’m in the hospital. I know it’s only overnight but I am such an internet addict I want to feel connected. I will also plan on blogging as soon as I can. So thanks for following my journal so far. I hope you keep reading for the after story as I learn to live with my new stomach.