Post Holiday Confessions

Good Afternoon Readers!




So how did you all do with the holiday this past weekend? I did not do as well as I had hoped I would. I know my eyes are bigger then my stomach so I tried to keep the amounts on my plate small, but I still ended up cleaning my plate. I know I probably shouldn’t have had those last few bites of stuffing and I definitely should not have had the piece of pumpkin pie (even if it was small). I had about an hour or so between dinner and dessert but I still shouldn’t have eaten it. After I was done I realized that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to and I felt a little sick. I was disappointed in myself but I guess it could have been worse. I choose to have a little salad, turkey, and stuffing. Now at my house we actually had two kinds of stuffing along with sweet potatoes, cranberries, and bread. So at least I only ate my favorites and left the things that I didn’t care about as much off my plate to avoid eating more then I should. I also did not finish my salad so I guess I didn’t really clean my plate. I also only had one small glass of wine, which was not what I expected to happen. I figured that the way my family is sometimes that they would drive me to drink. But not this year, no real drama started which is good. It also made for a boring evening but boring is better then drama so I’ll take it.

I was bad this whole weekend though. I snacked more then I usually do, partially from hunger and partially from boredom, and I just didn’t make great choices. I also only got to the gym once last week. I think I need to get my scale fixed or buy a new one. Once I am weighing myself twice a week I’ll probably get my good habits back. I also drank too much this weekend. Wow, do any of you feel like my priest in the confessional right now? I really am spilling my sins for all of you. But I guess that is part of the change in attitudes that comes with the surgery. In the past I would hide my slip ups and not want to let people know my mistakes. Now I wear them right out in front like a scarlet letter in order to avoid repeating them. Shouting them from the rooftops makes me feel more accountable and encourages me to straighten up and act right.

A few weeks ago my brothers and I had portraits taken as a Christmas present for my mom. She said that she hasn’t had any new, professional pictures of us since we were in high school and that was what she wanted for Christmas. So we trotted down to the studio and had our pictures taken. I was a little disappointed. I was hoping to look at the pictures and say “Wow, I look so much better” but instead I saw that I am still very unproportioned. I noticed where my shirt caught at my stomach and felt like my ass was big enough to have a name, like Mount blubber butt or something. I guess that just tells me that I have more to lose. Which I already knew but after losing almost 70lbs you are so ecstatic by how good you feel sometimes you forget that the battle isn’t over yet. I also need to make my lazy butt get to the gym. It wasn’t just my schedule this week keeping me away and I know it. I am planning to try to go to a spin class this week. I tried spin last year around this time and it was an unholy nightmare. I didn’t have the energy or the stamina for it. The room was so hot I felt like I was dying and I ended up with a very black and blue butt. I didn’t even make it through the second class I went to because it hurt so much just to sit on those horrible seats. That might still be a problem, but I’m betting that being 70lbs lighter will make it a little bit easier on me. If I could add one class in a week it would probably go a long way towards getting rid of that Mount Blubber Butt ass of mine. I hold most of my weight in my butt and thighs so getting them moving more will probably help. I can’t really run because I have a bad knee so I need to keep to low impact stuff.

So I guess that is the plan, get my calories back on track, drink less, go to the gym more, and try spinning again. Wish me luck!

6 Month Sleevaversary!!!!!!!

Hello readers!




I know it’s been a little while since I’ve written. Today is my six month sleevaversary! Six months ago today I was in the hospital getting my new tiny tummy. Wow it’s gone by fast. I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t lost as much as I had wanted to by this time. But still I’ve lost almost 70lbs and that’s not too shabby. My original goal was to be down to my goal weight by Christmas. That’s not going to happen now but I am hoping to be there by the end of February.

My doctor is very happy with my progress. He says I’m doing just right. At this point I tend to take in somewhere between 600-700 calories a day on average. I do my best to never go over 800 calories. I am trying to increase my protein intake though. I thought I had found a correlation between the amount of protein I took in and the amount of weight I lost. But now it’s looking like I was wrong. But I still think it’s a good idea to take in a little more.

I work out three days a week with Coach. Right now my routine has become 15 minutes on the elliptical and then an hour on the bike. I have a bad knee so I have to do things that are low impact. I originally was lifting weights but then my doctor told me not to. He said that weights will increase my muscle and so I will be heavier. For right now while I am still trying to get to my goal weight he just wants me to do the cardio. Once I hit my goal weight I’ll start adding the weights back in. I want to increase my workouts to four days a week but it’s really hard to find the time. I work full time and I have a part time job that I do on nights and weekends so that makes my free time a little sparse.

I have developed a weird pattern to loosing. I will go for one or two weeks without losing anything and then I will just drop two or three pounds. Then I’ll go another two weeks without losing again. My doctor said that is fine. He said as long as I’m still losing its ok. My body is just fighting to keep the weight. It doesn’t want to lose. He said that if I start going for longer periods without losing he will have me shock my system by doing one week on the pre-op diet and then three on the normal 800 calorie diet, then back to one week on the pre-op diet. You get the picture.

One thing that is concerning me a little bit is that my three month blood work came back a little strange. My doctor told me at my 6 month appointment that my copper levels were high. This is something that he never sees happen as a result of the surgery. I am due to go back for more blood work at the beginning of December. At that time, if my copper levels are high again he wants me to go see a specialist. If they are normal then the first reading was just a fluke. But if they are high it could be indicating a problem. I looked it up and apparently high copper is caused by something called Wilson’s disease. It is a genetic disease that means your body doesn’t filter copper out of your system like it is supposed to. If it is not discovered and treated the copper builds up and causes liver failure, neurological problems, tumors and all kinds of fun stuff. But it is treatable with medication to remove the copper. This WAS NOT caused by the surgery. If I have it, it will be a blessing that I had the surgery because if I hadn’t, no one would have checked my copper levels until I started experiencing symptoms. And it’s still possible that it was a fluke and that everything is fine. It’s making me a little nervous but I’m trying to be positive and just wait until the results come in.

I’m also a little worried that I have stretched out my sleeve a little. When I first had surgery I could barely eat 4 oz of soup and when I bought salad at the salad bar at work, it usually came out to 2.50$ (they charge you by the weight of the salad) and I could not always finish that. Now I have found that I can eat all four ounces and sometimes I can eat 6, or even 8 of soup. I have also found that my salads are now costing closer to 3.50$ and I usually do eat it all. I read that your stomach is swollen at first and that after the swelling goes down we would be able to eat more but my doctor said “stop it, you are stretching it” so I’m not sure. I’m trying to watch and be careful about how much I’m eating. I realized that I have not gotten sick after eating since sometime in September. Which I thought was a good thing. I thought I was adjusting to eating the right amounts. I didn’t get sick after I ate often (maybe once a week, or maybe twice) and not always because I ate too much, sometimes I ate too fast or didn’t chew well enough. I was also getting sick a lot less then the Aunt. She said she felt bulimic she was throwing up so much. So I thought I was just learning to eat the right amount. Now I’m a little worried that I just stretched my sleeve. I REALLY don’t want to stretch my sleeve!!!!!!! So I’m trying to be much more careful of how much I eat and to slow down a bit too.



So this is my status at my six month sleevaversary. Here are my stats



-67lbs

-8 inches at my hips

-7 inches at my waist

Size 16, bordering on 14 I think.



I want to lose another 30-40lbs. I’ll be happy with 30 because then I will be at the adult weight I maintained the longest but if I can lose 40 I’ll be at my lowest adult weight again. I’d also like to get back into a size 10 or 8 pant. I used to wear either size depending on the style. If I could get into a 6 I would be ecstatic because that is what I used to be up top and if I could actually be proportional for a change I would be in heaven. So those are my goals. I think I can get to my goal by March 1st. What do you all think?

Just in case anyone out there reading is new to the sleeve or my story I will tell you that I would not trade a minute of the last six months. Even on those bad tummy days when I was stuck with my head in the toilet or right surgery when the gas pain kept me up all night. It was all worth it! I would do it all again if I had to make the choice knowing what I know now. I feel so much better! I feel healthier and more energized, I feel more self confident and happy. Food doesn’t rule my life or haunt my nightmares. It was the best decision I ever made!

The Little Black Dress

I’ve heard it said that all women need a little black dress. The little black dress is sexy and sophisticated. It can’t be dressed up or dressed down. It is sliming and stylish, a timeless classic. I have never had a little black dress before. Even when I was skinny before I hadn’t found one that I liked. Well I now own a little black dress. I was so excited when I bought it. (On sale too, originally 59.50, got it for 29.50). I ordered the dress online because I thought that the style might flatter me and the price was right. I figured if it didn’t fit (which I was betting it wouldn’t) I would just send it back. I got it in the mail and I couldn’t believe what happened when I put it on. It fit and looked good. Of course Mummy-dearest, my toughest critic, felt the need to inform me that my legs are too chunky and it would look better once I’ve lost more weight. But I figure if that is the worst she had to say then it was probably alright.


So I wore it last night and got a great reaction. Everyone told me how great I looked. Coach really liked it. Aunt Superficial told me I looked stupendous. I was feeling self conscious because I had never worn this sort of dress before but it seemed to go over well. We were at a dedication for new area of our local hospital. I did realize shortly after we got there that it was a little low cut to be wearing around my grandfather, and later in the evening once I got home I even ended up having it slip a little too low and show off my new bra. But still I consider it a success. Pictures are soon to follow.

Also, I have had a bit of a stall for the last few weeks. I have been getting really frustrated. This week I have seriously cut down on my calories and upped my work out. Yesterday before pumpkin time I weighed myself to find that I had broken the stall and lost two pounds. Now I just have to keep the loosing going. Hopefully I can. I also realized that I have not gotten sick in a long while. I don’t remember the last time I ate too much, too fast, or the wrong thing and made myself sick. So that’s gotta be a good sign. I did notice that those weeks where I wasn’t losing my protein was down a bit. So next week I may experiment and see what happens if I increase my calories and protein a bit. Will I keep losing or not? Hmmm. We will see.

First Comment

Hey everyone. I don't have a lot of time now but I wanted to share that yesteray I got my first comment on my weight loss from a co-worker. None of them know I had surgery. I have told a few I was on a diet. But yesterday I ran into a coworker who I don't get to see very often anymore and she asked if I had lost weight. This is the first time someone at work has noticed. Mommy-Dearest was like "Duh", when I told her but I still thought it was a good thing. It means I  have lost enough that people are noticing. More people then just my family who know I'm trying to lose. So I thought it was a good thing. I was really tempted to say yes, I've lost 60lbs, but I didn't. I just said that yes I had and thanks for noticing.

No News is Good News I guess

Good afternoon readers! I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while but really there hasn’t been much to talk about. I have currently lost 61lbs. I have been trying to cut back my calories a bit because my weight loss has slowed down a bit and I am only losing one or two pounds a week. Unfortunately my schedule has been weird and I have only made it to the gym twice a week. One thing that is nice though is that I took three weeks off from the gym due to hectic schedules and was really rejuvenated by the break. I was riding the exercise bike for an hour or more before. Now between the break and losing more weight I have more energy and have been able to start my workout with a short run on the elliptical machine and then move to the bike. I have a bad knee so I can’t do things with impact. But I feel better being able to run on the elliptical.


One bad habit I’ve been getting into is drinking too much. Or wait I mean too often. I love wine. I have loved wine since I spent a summer in Italy. So at the end of a long day I find it very nice to sit down with a glass and relax. Those are calories I definitely don’t need. Also since the surgery I don’t like other liquor very much. I never drank beer. So when my boyfriend is having a few drinks on the weekend, I’m drinking wine. Once or twice during the week too. That is too many calories. I really have to cut back. But since I really do enjoy my wine (the taste, not the buzz) It’s tough. Part of the cutting back plan is that I try not to buy it. If it’s not in the house I can’t drink it. It’s working slowly. I just remind myself that I’ll lose weight faster if I’m not drinking it.

I have also learned that milkshakes are bad. My tiny tummy does not like them which is a bummer because I love them. I don’t have them very often but I do love them. I went with my co workers to have a short meeting at Potbelly’s sandwiches the other day and I had already eaten lunch but I thought a small milkshake would be yummy. Now I didn’t intend to drink the whole thing. I knew my stomach couldn’t do that. I planned on drinking half of the small and just enjoying it a little bit. Unfortunately after about a fourth of that little milkshake I started to feel sick. I stopped drinking it but it was too late. I started to feel a little dizzy, then I had hot flashes, and next I was running to the bathroom. I went back to my desk and cuddled in my chair in a ball hoping my tiny tummy would stop hurting me. I realized that I have had a milkshake a couple of times since the surgery and I got sick every time. I thought it was a coincidence but I’m starting to think that I was wrong. That will make me sad if I can no longer have milkshakes.

Also my doctor decided to cut back on my anti-depressant. She thinks that now that I am lighter I can get by with less meds. Actually she was right. She was asking me about how I had been feeling and we discovered that I had been having a reaction to the extra meds. It hadn’t even occurred to me. So we’ve cut back and the weird things I was feeling have gone away. I did have some days this week when I was in a bad mood but that could just be normal bad moods, not a reaction to the lowering of the meds. I’m not sure. I’ll just keep an eye on it but I think I’m ok.



So that is about it. Nothing more to report here. I hope you are all well. Have a good weekend!

Clothes Horse

Good Afternoon readers! Sorry I haven’t written in a bit but I haven’t had much to report lately. I feel great today. I have been spending too much money updating my fall wardrobe and enjoying it. I’m trying not to buy too much because I am still shrinking but I’ve had to buy some things. I only have two pairs of pants in the size I am wearing now so I had to buy another pair. I don’t have any in the next size down so I have ordered a few so I am prepared when I drop my next size. I have bought some tops and sweaters but a lot of those will fit as I lose. My upper body always looses weight first. Right now I’m really in-between so I have a tiny waist but huge hips. I carry most of my weight in my lower body so it takes longer to lose there. Some of the tops might get too big but most probably won’t. They’ll just fit better or a little loose. Not a problem.


Of course though my mother has to tell me how fat my thighs look and how I dress badly and don’t hide it. Sorry I choose not to live in sweat pants but I actually leave the house. Today I am wearing a completely new outfit and I love it. Surprisingly enough Mummy dearest actually loved it too. That is a rarity. So I’m feeling pretty today. I wish Coach could see me but I won’t see him until we go to the gym tonight. We have been very bad and have taken the last two weeks off and we need to kick our routine back in.

Coach’s parents have been so supportive. Every time I go over to his house his mother says “I can’t believe how skinny you look” and yesterday his dad pointed out that my pants are getting too big. Coach is so wonderful too. He was worried that their comments might bother me. I told him no, they don’t. Since Mummy-dearest has been so nasty with her comments lately it’s nice to have someone tell me I look good. My friend Sweets is trying to lose weight now too. Her sister is getting married and she wants to look good for the wedding. She has trouble finding a diet plan that works for her too. I suggested she look into the sleeve. I don’t know if it would be the right thing for her but researching it would help her determine that for herself. She decided against it though. She has been using weight watchers and says its working. So I’m happy for her. I think that those few miserable moments would be harder on her then they were on me so she probably made the right choice.

Also I am reminded that you really need to be determined and committed for this tool to help you. The Aunt said to me the other day that she walked all over on her vacation and didn’t lose a pound. The way she said it made me think “what do you want me to do about it” Like it was my fault or something. (Actually she decided to do this first, I was just the one who made the doctor’s appointment and had the surgery first). I asked her what she ate on vacation and she said “I didn’t have any desserts” which made me think that she probably wasn’t eating the best meals if she only mentioned no desserts. But the thing is I can have dessert. I do sometimes. I just don’t all the time. The bottom line is that it comes down to how committed you are. She didn’t read the research I gathered before the surgery. She hasn’t followed up with the dietitian. She didn’t follow the diet. She says she feels bulimic from all the throwing up she does. If she is getting sick that often then she is eating too much and hasn’t learned to listen to her body. She should have learned that by now. Not to say that I don’t get sick. But it happens more and more rarely. Accidents happen but for the most part I have learned how much is right for my new tiny tummy. I feel bad for her because she got sleeved two weeks after me and has lost twenty pounds less than me. But she is doing it to herself. I keep wondering what our doctor says to her at her visits. Not that she tells him the truth about what she does anyway but I wonder what he says. Oh well sigh, can’t do anything about it.

Well folks, I just wanted to write a little something and keep you up to date on my progress. Keep reading and I’ll keep writing when I have something worth saying.

Wedding Bliss!

I had such a great weekend! A friend of mine got married this weekend and I went to the wedding with Coach. I dreaded having to find something to wear for this wedding (As you probably read in my last post). But with Diva’s help we did manage to find a dress I liked. Coach really liked my dress, which makes me happy. I felt a little self conscious at first because it’s been so long since I wore a dress and because I had to use this weird stick on bra to avoid straps and showing bra in the back. But it all worked out. I got a ton of compliments on the dress. Everyone loved it! One of the girls from the bachelorette party came up and said she could tell that I had lost more weight since the party. I smiled and said yes I had and thanked her for noticing. Coach and I talked to my friends and danced all night long. It was so much fun. The food was really good which was a bit of a problem. I thought I had done alright. I had eaten a little much but I was ok. Then I made that crucial mistake: I unconsciously took a sip from my water glass. The minute I swallowed I knew I was in trouble. I felt that little sip hit my already full stomach and make it too full. A few minutes later I was running to the bathroom to expel some of that extra meal. Luckily I felt much better afterwards and have perfected the art of throwing up without making a mess of myself. So I could go back to the party and pretend that nothing happened. I will admit that I drank a lot that night. Everyone did. But it wasn’t too bad. I was dancing so much I figured I probably burned those calories right back off and I only had a slight headache the next morning. The next day my stomach didn’t like me that much though. At least not for a while. I slept in and missed breakfast so I was really hungry when lunch came around. I started eating that too quickly so after a couple of bites I was feeling sick and couldn’t finish my lunch. But I did have a good dinner. So alls well that ends well. I had a fabulous time, I looked great, and I felt great. Pictures to follow soon!

Static cling issues here

The Perils of Dress Shopping

Welcome back readers! It’s back to work after the long holiday weekend. And what am I doing? Blogging for you folks, Nice huh? LOL


Anyway, I enjoyed my little break. Monday I got to take a big box of too big clothes over to my friend Diva’s house for her to see if she wants anything. After she is done trying them on I’ll take the rest and put it aside for consignment once I have more to add. That was kinda fun. It’s nice to be able to say that I am too skinny for those clothes. And it makes me feel good to be able to help her out a little because she doesn’t really have extra money for new clothes. A lot of those clothes are new and were only worn a few times or some were never worn at all.

Diva also went with me to find a dress for my friend’s wedding next weekend. Now that was not something I was looking forward to (dress shopping, I’m excited about the wedding). Dress shopping for me is usually a horrible experience. I realized that even when I liked my body there is some kind of strange voodoo with those dressing room mirrors that make you look like the Pillsbury Doughboy. No matter how happy you are with yourself those mirrors make the worst flaws jump out at you and consume your vision. Then, when you are already overweight the lighting makes you look in the mirror and say “Holy Cottage Cheese Ass!” and makes you feel terrible about yourself. Then add the extra shame of not being able to find anything in your size (because the only things left are size zero and no one who breaths can actually wear something that small). And the additional despair of finding that even the few things you can find in your size don’t fit right, don’t look good, or aren’t as cute as that sweater that is only available in Barbie doll size. Really shopping is a traumatic experience for so many people and can be even for those skinny Minnies out there too.

So I wasn’t not looking forward to this but I had nothing appropriate to wear to a wedding. I already went to the Bachelorette party in too casual an outfit and I was not doing that again. I was just glad that I finally hit the negative fifty pound mark and kept in mind that this was going to be so much easier then it would have been four months ago. So we trudged off to the mall determined to search every store until I found something to wear next weekend.

Then something surprising happened. I expected to find that no dresses fit me right because I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. I am so disproportionate that I have always had trouble with dresses, even at my lowest weight. But that was not my problem this time. I am wearing a size 16 pants which I found translated into a 14 dress in order to fit me up top (I do not have size 16 boobs). I found that a lot of the styles out there for dresses right now actually work with my shape. There are a lot of dresses that have poofy bottoms so when I put them on they make it look like it’s the dress and not me that poofs out at the hips. It actually hid my thighs. The problem came though, that a lot of those dresses are short. We are talking Butt Floss Short. I have never had attractive legs. As I said I carry my weight below the waist so my calves are chunky. Short does not work for me. The second problem was that everyone was out of my size (because most women actually prefer not to look like a victim of starvation) so most of the dresses that were available were in the itty-bitty-no room for flesh on this skeleton-sizes.

Our search became about finding something in my size and that was long enough to hide some of my cellulite thighs. We went to so many stores and I tried on so many dresses. But I wasn’t getting as upset as I usually do. I didn’t find it as depressing. I felt this time like it was less of a problem with me and more of a problem with stupid designers that make clothes to fit pre-teen boys instead of real women. Eventually I did find a dress that I liked, was a decent length, and looked nice on me. It was also a style I would have never picked for myself, assuming it wouldn’t fit right. But Diva knows her clothes and I was desperate so I tried on anything she wanted me to try. I did spend a little more than I wanted but I think it will be worth it. I may even be able to have the dress taken in when I lose weight so I can keep it after this. Overall it was a successful shopping trip. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. I also forgot that shopping in stores can be fun because you can see a lot of different styles and ways to wear the clothes which you don’t always see when you shop online (that is how I have done all my shopping for years to avoid those evil dressing room mirrors).

I was glad to actually go home from a shopping trip satisfied and not hating myself. All I can say is THANK YOU to my new tiny tummy. Getting sleeved was a god-sent! Hopefully I’ll be able to post some pics from the wedding next week.  :)

The Big 5 Oh!

Just a quick update. The reduced calories seem to be working. I've finally lost those annoying two pounds and hit the 50 pound mark! It's been just over 3 months and I've lost 50 pounds! I've almost hit the half way point to my goal!

More Restrictions

Saturday was my three month check up with my surgeon. He was happy with me because I have continued to lose weight and he says my incisions are healing nicely. I talked to him about my stall and he said he had the answer to why I’ve stopped losing. I’m taking in too many calories. He says I need to cut back from my 800 to 600 calories. And I should increase my cardio. Yippee(I’m sure you can hear my enthusiasm).


In some ways it’s not a big deal to cut back. I mean it’s only two hundred calories and It’s not like I’ll be hungry. But it’s difficult to get enough protein with only 600 calories and it means I really have to limit my choices. Not much variety for me anymore. My plan for my basic diet is

Breakfast : Oatmeal ( I usually only eat half a package of sugar free instant but sometimes a whole one) 55-110 calories

Lunch: veggies with a little ranch dressing and a Carnation Instant breakfast shake ( about 200 calories)

Snack: ½ a bottle of Isopure Protein water (75 calories)

Dinner: Carnation Instant Breakfast (150 calories)

That will leave me with a little bit left over for a small snack if I am hungry. Yippee. Very boring. I might be able to substitute a cup of soup for lunch some times. Hopefully this will start working and my weight loss will start up again. Then I’ll feel more motivated to stick to this diet.

On a Non-diet related note: I got a new car this weekend!!! I am so excited. I have been saving for a long time to buy myself a new car. Luckily my brother just got a job at Ford so I got his discount, and I got a really good price on my trade in. So I had just enough for my new car. I love it. It’s so nice and fun to have a new car!

A Shout Out and a Rant

Good Morning Readers! First thing, I have to give a big shout out and Congratulations to the Wanning Woman for hitting her 100 pound loss! Big cheers for her joining the Centruary club! I’m so happy for you! And a little jealous which is small of me.


So Saturday is my next visit to my surgeon and I am so frustrated! My weight loss slowed down and now it has just stalled completely. ARGH! I even changed out the batteries in my scale, hoping that it was inaccurate because it was flashing low battery. No such luck! So Tuesday I started a semi liquid diet to try to jump start the weight loss. Sometimes changing what you are eating helps. I am trying not to drop calories though. I am trying to keep to my 800 calories but use this to change what I am eating and to up my protein. I have a protein shake for breakfast, I eat real food for lunch, I have my protein water for an afternoon snack (no sugar, 40gm of protein 160 calories), and then a protein shake for dinner. If I feel hungry or need more calories I have something like a cheese stick for a snack. So far nothing has happened. It hasn’t helped. If I don’t get some movement by the weekend I will go completely back to the pre-op liquid diet. I am at -48lbs and I want to at least hit fifty by Saturday. I should have lost 56 right now to stay on course to loose everything in six months.

To add to the frustration/confusion of all this my pants feel loose. I don’t get it. I haven’t lost a pound since I first started wearing these pants last Monday. Last Monday I wore these pants for the first time and they were a little tight. Since them I have worn them a few times and I have washed and dryed them. I thought they would be tight again after washing them but no, they aren’t. They feel loose and they look a little loose too. I don’t get it. While that is good it just adds to the frustration.

Saturday I went to a BBQ with some bigger friends of my boyfriend’s. I was doing ok at first just nibbling at the chips and dip. But when they brought out burgers earlier then I was ready for I was worried everyone would notice how little I was eating compared to everyone else. Between that and everything to drink being carbonated I was almost ready to come clean about my surgery. But I didn’t. I managed to sit behind a ton of chip bags so no one saw my plate. But ever since I have been wanting carbs. It’s weird. I haven’t had food cravings much since surgery. If I do have them it has been just a twinge that I could ignore. But the last few days it’s been annoying. I don’t know why I just want to eat chips and pizza. My work provided pizza for lunch the other day and I had one piece but since then I have wanted more. It’s just so strange to have cravings and it’s weird to crave something that I can barely eat. I mean I can have a few bites but they fill me up quickly. Usually if I can only eat a tiny bit of something, I loose my craving after I think of that. Very strange.



Well everyone, Wish me luck and cross your fingers that I manage to end this stall. Thanks!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

I had such a great weekend! One of my friends is getting married next month and this weekend was her bachelorette party. I was so excited to see her and my other former roommate. The night was such a blast! She had the party out of town so that we could all stay at a hotel together where the bars were walking distance away. That way no one would have to worry about driving.


I was a little worried about how to deal with the sleeve mixing with the party. First step, since I don’t want people to know about the surgery I had to make sure neither of my former roommates noticed my scars while I was changing into my party clothes. That one I managed pretty well. The other girls there wouldn’t notice because they don’t know me and wouldn’t know that the big scar on my belly button was a new thing. We decided to really make it an occasion we would all dress up. They wanted everyone in a dress but I don’t wear dresses. I am so bottom heavy that it is really hard to find dresses that fit me so I stay away from them (skirts also fit me terrible). So I ended up being the only one in pants. But what can you do?

We went to dinner first. The restaurant was pretty nice and I was worried about what to order. Luckily two of the other girls wanted to be careful of what they ate because they thought too much food with all the alcohol they would be drinking would make them sick. So we all ordered appetizers and split them. I thought I did a really good job about not eating too much. But when I got up to use the ladies room I found out I had another purpose for that trip.  Luckily it wasn’t too bad. Next we had tickets for a comedy show. It was upstairs in the same place we had dinner at. This was a little awkward. There was a two drink minimum at the comedy club. The show wasn’t very long and it was hard for me to drink two drinks in that time period. But by get one that was a little smaller I just managed it. At that point I was feeling a little happy because I haven’t had much liquor since my surgery. Pretty much only a little wine. I was worried that I was going to be really hung over the next day. Also I knew that with my new tiny tummy I couldn’t drink as much water to make up for all the bad drinks.

Next we went back to the hotel room for cake, gifts, and party games. I was so proud that I had no need for cake. I thought one bit would be nice but I didn’t want to waste the rest, so I just said no thank you. Everyone else managed to devour it. Next stop was a bar two blocks down the street. There we went straight to the bar for shots with the Bachelorette and then off to the dance floor! I think we danced for at least an hour. When I got too hot and the music turned to something I didn’t like I got a water to help me stay steady. We spent a little more time there dancing and hanging out. Then they decided to head back to the first place we had been. So we went back. I drank another glass of water and half of another drink. The Bachelorette was hungry at this point and we ordered pizza’s for the group. I had one small slice, which was appreciated by my tiny tummy after all of the dancing.

We spent a while just hanging out and talking there until the bar closed down. We walked back to the hotel where I bought a bottle of water to sip all night. We sat up and talked for a while and then headed to bed. A fun time was had by all. I was amazed that I didn’t get drunk and sloppy after not drinking in so long. But really I guess I had four or five drinks throughout a 7 hour period so that isn’t too bad. I was very happy to wake up the next morning exhausted, but not hung over. I actually felt pretty good except for wishing I could sleep longer. I then spent the day with my friend Sweets. I never get to see her and since I was out her way I stopped by for the day. I can’t believe how little I ate that day! I didn’t have breakfast because we got up late and there was nothing I could grab quickly. I had lunch with Sweets but I only picked at it. I thought I would normally have eaten more but I got full quick. We hung out all day and then ordered Chinese food for dinner. Again I ate a fraction of what I thought I should have been able to. But four bites and I was full. So I listened to my tummy and let it be. I did start to feel hungry around ten PM but at that point I was climbing in bed and just too tired to eat. How great is that! I don’t think I could ever have done that pre-sleeve. I would have had to eat or I wouldn’t have slept. Gotta Love it!

So my tiny tummy and I had an exciting and enjoyable weekend together and managed to get through with only one minor incident. I think we are finally learning to co-exsist. 

Stall!

Good Afternoon friends!


I hope everyone out there in Cyberland is doing well. I am currently full of frustration. I have only lost half a pound this week. I know that stalls are normal and that everyone goes through them. But the timing on this one really sucks! I think that is the most frustrating part. I have lost 44.5 lbs and I am soooo close to that fifty pound mark. I want to hit it so badly! I’ve been trying to be really careful not to go over my 800 calories and stay away from sugar but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Two weeks of only losing two pounds and now a stall! Argh! And I have a doctor’s appointment in two weeks! My goal was to be down 56lbs by then! My doctor told me that I could lose all the weight I want to lose in six months if I am good. That would require me to lose three pounds a week. That way I would be a skinny Minnie for Christmas and start off the New Year as a New Woman! But I am so afraid that stalls will keep that from happening.

It is really frustrating to me. Even with all of my weight loss so far, I don’t really feel smaller. I don’t feel like I’ve lost weight. I know I have. I can see the number on the scale. My clothes are too big. But I guess I still feel like a fat girl. I keep weighting to feel like I’m different and I haven’t. I felt a little different on vacation this year because I wasn’t as embarrassed in my bathing suit. But then I saw some pictures and was still disgusted with how big I am. So that doesn’t make me happy. I did like seeing a picture that Coach took of me on Christmas Eve last year with the camera I had gotten him. I compared that to a picture that he took on vacation and I couldn’t believe the difference in my face. Those are in my last post if you are curious. But I still just don’t feel the loss yet.

I know I need to work out more. I definitely pushed harder this week but I’m not going to be able to get more days in because I’m going away this weekend. I’m probably not going to feel skinny this weekend either. I’m going to a friend’s bachelorette party and there will be tons of pretty, skinny girls there. We are supposed to wear a dress but I don’t wear dresses. They don’t fit me right because I carry most of my weight in my butt and thighs. So I will probably end up being the only one there in pants. I know I need to get more protein in too. I was doing really well but since my vacation I’ve had trouble getting back in good habits. Sigh.

I know I shouldn’t be complaining. I had a stall right after surgery but it’s been almost three months and I have been losing at a good rate. I was due for this. But I guess knowing that it is normal and will pass doesn’t help keep the frustration at bay. I am also at in between sizes right now which doesn’t help. My 18 pants are all too big and my 16 pants are all just a little too small. Plus all of the shirts that are the next size down are just tight in the arms. Everywhere else they fit. Argh! I was hoping to see my box of too big clothes fill up faster then it has been. Well maybe some girl time is a good thing to distract me. Hopefully some partying will put me in a better frame of mind.

Pictures

Ok. I have been asked to post some before and after pictures. Please remember that I still have a lot of weight to loose

Christmas 2009

July 2010

July 2009

July 2010

July 2008

July 2010

A Sleever's worst nightmare

I had something funny but not so funny happen this weekend. You see, Coach and I do not have a lot of friends who live in the area any more. So most evenings are spent with the two of us and a movie. I have been wanting to get together with one of his friends and his girlfriend for a while, thinking that it would be fun to do a double date. So they called us to go to dinner and the Casino on Friday night with the two of them and some other friends of Coaches. I jumped at this opportunity for us to go out and to hopefully help Coach reconnect with some buddies. They said they wanted to have dinner at the Casino. Guess what they picked, Every Sleever’s nightmare, THE BUFFET!!!!

I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, that I would just have more options to choose from and in some ways it could be great because I could just have a tiny bite of anything I was interested in. Well It wasn’t that easy. First I walked through trying to decide what I wanted to eat and I found that very little appealed to me. All my fellow sleevers know that when you are not hungry you just aren’t hungry. I almost got some rice but luckily remembered that I shouldn’t have that before I put any on my plate. I thought about pasta but I knew I needed more protein then that. So after much wondering I finally managed to fill my plate with a little bit of different things. But when I got back to the table I discovered that Coaches friends really took their buffet seriously. They had soup and salad piled high on their plates and that was just their first course. Even the other girlfriend in the group ended up going back two more times to fill her plate. The guys (except Coach) each went a total of four times, not counting dessert.

I picked at my food. It was ok but not the best and I kept feeling like I couldn’t get servings of some things because they were too big and I didn’t want to waste food. I didn’t really even eat enough when the problem should have been eating too much. I finally gave up on dinner and went to get dessert (while everyone else was only on their second plate of food). My eyes were bigger then my stomach at the dessert table. I got three small desserts and took them back to the table. I ate a little of the first one (Gelato), then let the other two sit in front of me while the others ate. Once and awhile I took a small bite from one of the other two and I got Coach to have some too. I still probably didn’t even eat a whole dessert but it was better than just watching everyone else eat. And the worst part, was that Coach paid 28 DOLLARS for my meal! I mean the two of us together probably ate as much as one of the other people we were with. I honestly wish we could have just shared a plate. I didn’t think that the buffet people would buy that idea though.

Coach’s friends did notice my weight loss and said something to him about it. They don’t know about my sleeve of course, but the last time I saw them was the weekend after surgery and that was 34lbs ago. So it’s nice to know that people see a difference. It was kinda funny because usually Coach gets upset about spending money on meals that I only eat part of (even if I take home the leftovers) but this time he wasn’t bothered at all. I was really glad about that and I bought all his drinks at the Casino after to make up for it. And I bought Lunch the next day because I still felt bad. I really appreciated him not saying anything and I think he understood that it was a little awkward for me. Honestly it might have been for him too. He is a health conscious guy and isn’t one to go overboard like the rest. He had two plates of food and a few bites of my desserts. That was it. So he probably felt a little weird himself being one of only two people who weren’t putting on the feed bag. But we still had a good time. I enjoyed spending time with his friends, I like them a lot. And I had fun gambling, even if I did lose 60$. I kinda laugh at the whole thing now picturing a sleever at a buffet. If the others only knew. They were probably really confused. LOL. Oh well!

I have realized I have to get my butt moving more. I didn’t make it to the gym at all this week because stuff kept popping up and I only lost two pounds this week. Before I went on vacation I was steadily losing three pounds a week. While I was away I only lost two which I wasn’t disappointed about. But this week I only lost two again and I can’t have that keep up. If I am going to lose everything in six months like my doctor said I need to keep the three pound a week thing going. I also have to be better about my protein. Being away for a week messed up that good habit too. I find I lose weight better when I do get in all my protein. I will have to make sure to work that in. I was supposed to be down by 56lbs by my next doctor’s appointment and I won’t make it if I keep up this two poinds a week thing. I’m down 44lbs now so I may not make it at all. I have three weeks until my appointment. So time to rev my engine and get this body moving!!!

Lies of Omission

Yesterday’s tiger’s game was a bit of a disappointment. I got there and had lunch with my coworkers. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t feel like I had eaten too much or was full but after my first bite I felt a little sick. I ate 3/4th of my hotdog, trying to go slow and chew well. I waited and my stomach was not happy. I started picturing myself running to a garbage can, knocking the top off and throwing up. That was the last thing I wanted to do surrounded by all of my coworkers. So I went to the bathroom and managed to get there before my hotdog came back up.


Usually after an incident like that my stomach feels much better. That wasn’t the case this time. I felt off the rest of the day. Everyone was going to get some of those big frozen daiquiris and I decided to get one too. I figured that the cool slushy would help my tiny tummy and that the little alcohol in it would make me feel a little more jolly. Then I wouldn’t be the odd ball out not drinking either. Another poor plan. For some reason the daiquiris’ were really thick and syrupy so it tasted too sweet and I had trouble drinking it. I drank maybe half a cup worth in an hour and then it was so melted I had no interest. I still felt low energy. The game was going slow and boring. Zero to Zero in the fifth inning. I left with some people and went to the after party early because it was in an air conditioned bar. My mood never improved though so I ended up leaving at 4:00. I couldn’t even take advantage of the open bar! Since it was on my company’s tab I really wanted to. Ahh well. I guess those are the breaks when adjusting to the sleeve.



I did have a little bit of a problem the other day too. I went to see my friend Diva. I’ve mentioned her before. She is a friend from high school who also struggles with her weight a lot. I know she would be appalled by me having surgery and would think it was way too extreme. She had lost a lot of weight but she recently gained it all back and she isn’t very happy about it. She also has no money. She works a part time minimum wage job and doesn’t make wise choices. So she often can’t afford to eat healthy. We went out to dinner and that ended up being a problem. Last time we saw each other I had managed to have her not notice how little I was eating but this time she was expecting to eat as we always have. She ordered our favorite appetizer and then look surprised when I ordered a half order of my favorite salad. She knows I’ve lost weight but I have only told her that I was dieting. She couldn’t believe that it would be enough food for me. So to try and explain it I told a somewhat elaborate story that was partially true. I am eating an 800 calorie diet. I am working with my doctor to keep me healthy and not deprive me of nutrition. I do have a very small appetite now. I just left out the part about surgery.

I know she would react badly to the news and give me a hard time about it. That is why I decided not to tell her in the first place. Also since I know she couldn’t afford the surgery herself and her insurance is not very good I know she would see it like I can afford to make myself skinny because my family has money. I knew that would just make her feel worse. But I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be not to tell her. I mean it hasn’t been hard with my family or my co-workers. I the people I eat around the most know. Every one else I can bluff well enough that they don’t notice or question. But this was tougher. I had a few bites of the appetizer. But that filled me up more than I expected so when my salad came I really couldn’t eat much. We both talk a lot so it was easy to move the food around my plate and talk but still it wasn’t quite slow enough for me to eat. And some times salad feels like it is bringing little air bubbles into my tiny tummy with the veggies. Tonight was one of those times which makes it harder to eat. I had to stop after probably 1/3 of a cup eaten so there was still a lot to take home. I just felt awkward and a little guilty for not telling Diva the truth. I tried not to lie but I definitely lied by omission and I definitely embellished the truth. It puts you in an awkward position. Has anyone else had this happen?

Vacation Recap

Hello friends,




I know it’s been a while but I haven’t had a ton to say. My vacation was a lot of fun. I had a great time with Coach and his family. I definitely felt more comfortable in a bathing suit this year and I even found out one of my suits is now too big. Unfortunately it was too big in the boobs. I didn’t think I’d lost weight there really but I must have. I did have a mishap with the jet ski that I have not last year. It kind of surprised me because you would think that being 40lbs heavier last year would have caused this. I got a burn on the inside of my thighs from bouncing back and forth on the jet ski. Embarrassing and painful! So I had to buy a pair of Men’s swim trunks to wear on the jet ski to protect my poor legs.

I wasn’t so good about my diet while I was away. It was hard because they had a lot of snacks out and someone was always munching on something. So I occasionally found myself grazing on pretzels or cheese. I also felt like I ate bigger meals then I usually do. I don’t think I actually did because if you think about it I still only ate half a chicken breast but it felt like more for some reason. I did also have ice cream. Twice! The real stuff too, not the lowfat yogurt. But each time I could only eat half a scoop so really that wasn’t too bad. I did keep track of my calories and I was close to my 800 but I did go over a bit. I still lost two pounds that week so I couldn’t have been too bad. I was worried though. I was afraid to hop on the scale after I got back. I would have been heartbroken if I had gained weight.

I did also learn one more lesson. The dietitian told me that high fiber veggies would be hard to digest for a while. I love asparagus and we had it with dinner the first night I was away. I decided a little bit couldn’t hurt. So I had two pieces. I was wrong. Right after dinner I ended up throwing everything back up thanks to that high fiber asparagus. So I will still have to be careful of those veggies for a while. Now I have to try to get back into good habits now that I’m home.



Today will be interesting. My entire company is going to the tiger’s game this afternoon. We are walking distance from the stadium and will have a picnic lunch there. Last time I had something like this with work I was able to avoid eating but this time I won’t be able to. So we will have to see what happens. I think I will be ok though. I’ve been able to bluff the whole eating thing pretty well so far. Well I need to try to get some work done before the game. Have a good day everyone and I will write again soon!

Look! It's a beached Whale!

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen!

You won’t hear from me for the next week or so because I’m going on vacation. I’ll be out of town and away from an internet connection for a whole week. I am so looking forward to the break! I need it! But vacationing brings up a whole new set of issues for my new tiny tummy. I have realized that I won’t be able to weight myself for a week. While I wish I could, it might be a good thing to take a break and then I will hopefully be extra happy when I get back. But it does bring up the issue of clothes. We’ll be at the beach. At this point my body is still not bathing suit worthy. Hell, my body hasn’t been bathing suit worthy since shortly after puberty. But right now I definitely do not want anyone seeing me in a bathing suit. Unfortunately I will be at the beach so if I want to swim, I have to wear a suit. The worst is my legs and butt. I carry all my weight in the lower half of my body and right now they look especially bad because my skin isn’t adjusting as quickly as the rest of me is. My doctor said that overall she didn’t think that the weight-loss would leave me with a ton of extra skin on my legs but right now they are in a weird faze are not attractive. Now my boyfriend has seen me in a suit but it’s still a little different in the glaring light of day on the beach to be seen by people.

Also there is the problem of appropriate beach attire in general. I can’t wear shorts right now. My legs look so unattractive plus they just don’t fit. I don’t have any that I can wear and I wasn’t about to go buy some just for a week of wear, so I am probably going to be hot. I am bringing my wide leg capri’s but they are not very flattering. They look much better then they did 39 pounds ago but still they are lounging pants, not wear around pants and that is what I am doing with them. It’s the only way to stay cool. Another problem is that since this will probably be my only time outside this summer I’d like to get a bit of a tan. But there is no way I am going to lay out in a bathing suit! Hell No! Someone will think a new breed of freshwater whale washed up on the shore!

Next comes the issue of what do I eat? I can’t take my protein drinks with me because they will take up a ton of room in the fridge and because they will get all gross and clumpy in the hot car on the long drive. So I probably won’t get enough protein in all week. For the most part , now I can eat just about anything. There are a few things I try to stay away from though and that will be harder on vacation. I know we’ll end up buying sandwich stuff for lunches and I have trouble with regular breads. I also don’t know what kind of food we will have for breakfasts. I feel awkward because we are going away with Coaches family and I hate to ask them to buy special stuff just for me. I feel bad enough that they pay for all my meals while we are away and they cook for me. It feels like an imposition to ask them to buy special bread for my sandwiches and stuff like that. But then I know they will think it’s weird if I bring my own stuff up with me.



Another issue is the awkwardness of Coaches family trying to cater to my needs. I feel weird when his mom asks what I can and can’t eat and fusses over making sure I’ll like the food and that she buys the right thing. I just feel bad. She gets embarrassed that she is giving me the wrong thing. Like at a family BBQ a few weeks ago she offered me wine and then got embarrassed and asked if I can have it. I just feel bad and like I’m putting them out. I know they will try to plan around my needs and I hate for them to make special arrangements for me. I also feel bad because I know we will go out to eat a lot and I will only be able to eat small amounts. That is the one thing that Coach has not been so good about with all this. He is very thrifty and hates waste so he gets upset when we go out to eat and I end up taking most of my meal home. I eat the leftovers. I turn one meal into three. But he still thinks it’s a waste of money to go out when I can only eat about a fourth of what is on my plate. I try to order things with smaller portions but that doesn’t always work out. I have tried paying for myself but I know Coaches parents will never let me so I’ll feel bad about it. This is the third or fourth time we have gone on this vacation and every time I try to at least buy them dinner once and they never let me.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I should just appreciate their hospitality and not worry about it but I do. I’m not a mouch. I don’t take things or people for granted and I don’t expect to be taken care of. So I feel awkward. I feel bad sometimes when my family spends money on me. I don’t know why. I love spending money on other people and will look for any excuse to buy a present or treat someone to a meal. But I have a hard time accepting that back. I know that if his family is fussing over trying to make me comfortable I should just relax and tell them what I need but I still feel like I am being high maintenance or something. It’s all just an awkward mess.

I am still so looking forward to the trip! I really love Coaches family and I need the break from work. I enjoy getting to spend a whole week straight with him. I have fun with him and his family and it will be a great vacation. There are just lots of weird details.

Scars

So it's been about three months and my scars are still very visable. The smallest ones can't be felt anymore but they can still be seen. I really wish they would fade already. I don't know how long it took for other people to heal but I'm starting to worry that they will forever be a scarlet letter on my tummy saying "I had surgery"

Here are the pics of what they look like now. They were taken with my cell phone so they aren't the best

my puncture

My side

my belly button

If anyone can advise me on this Please Please comment!

The Clothing Wars

64 Days post-op


-35lbs, -1inch neck, -4inches hips, -4 inches waist



Last Saturday I went to my two month appointment with my surgeon to check my progress. I had set a goal for myself to have lost by that date and I did it! My surgeon had told me that I could lose all the weight that I want to lose in six months which comes out to about three pounds a week so that has been my goal. Sometimes I’ll only drop one or two pounds in a week but the next week I usually drop more to make up for it. So I met the goal I had set and my doctor was very happy with me. He told me it is just a matter of burning off the fat I have stored and that if I increase my work out a bit I will lose even faster.

So of course, after all that positive my weight loss has stalled this week. I haven’t dropped an ounce which is frustrating. I’ve been picking apart everything I eat to try to stay under my 800 calories but it seems like the harder I try the worse I seem to do. I don’t know why that is. But it seems like if I think about it less I actually consume less. Strange how that works. I need to figure something out though. I know stalls are normal and that they happen to everyone but I am so close to fitting into a size smaller pants I am just desperate to drop. I tried on a ton of clothes this week and found a bunch that fit me again. Along with some that are just on the edge of fitting again. So I moved those to the front of my closet. I have an awesome huge walking closet where I rotate my clothes so that the current season is in the front and I keep it very organized according to clothing type, now I’m having to add size in there. But it’s good. I’ve started a box for things I have shrunk out of. There are only three things in it right now but it’s a start.

I really don’t understand clothes though. I think that clothing designers purposely try to drive the public crazy. It’s a conspiracy. I had four pairs of pants from two different stores (3 from one and one from another) they were all the same size. Two of them where so big that if you gave them a tug they would have fallen off me. The other two were just tight enough that they didn’t want to button. I don’t get how that is possible. Plus, I had a huge discount at a clothes store so I ordered some skinny clothes to help me stay motivated. As I was hanging them up I was amazed how much smaller a 10 now looks compared to the 10 I bought back when I was a 10. I hope I make it into those pants or I’ll be mad, even if they were dirt cheap. I think it’s all a big conspiracy to keep big girls from feeling good about themselves. Even if you loose the weight you won’t fit back into that ideal size in your head because they make that size much smaller now. So you might as well eat the cake. Well not me. I’m going to push myself and find the time to add in more of a workout and kick my butt until it melts off! Size 10 here I come! And the same goes for 8 and maybe even 6! Six months from now I will be where I want to be! You won’t even recognize me!

What is "Diet Food"?

The other day I was so excited because I managed to eat a small portion of a chicken caesar salad wrap for lunch. I felt like I am getting closer to being able to eat normal food. I was so excited and I told Mummy-Dearest about this. She replied a little snottily “That’s not diet food” So here is my question, What is “Diet Food”? I mean I don’t understand what is required to label something as “Diet Food”? I look at my little bit of wrap. It had a soft tortilla as the wrap (of which I ate less than a forth of the whole tortilla), chicken (which I ate about three ounces of), chopped lettuce (maybe a fourth of a cup eaten), and some caesar salad dressing (which I probably consumed about a tablespoon at the most). The whole thing came out to under 250 calories because I ate so little of it. So what in that is so bad for you. I mean of course salad dressing isn’t great but we have so little of it that it really isn’t that bad. I was being generous by saying 1 tablespoon. It was probably less. A wrap Is usually preferable to other types of bread because there are fewer calories and carbs. Lettuce isn’t bad for you and neither is grilled chicken. So what is wrong with having that for lunch?


I really don’t get it. Who is it that gets to label some things as “Diet Food” and other things as not “Diet Food” I mean really, what guidelines are they using? Does it go by fat content or calories? Are we all supposed to eat flavorless boiled chicken? Or wait, fish is probably even healthier then chicken. Must we eat all veggies plain and stay away from any that maybe a little higher in the fat or calories such as avocado? Should we just cut out Fruit and breads all together because of high sugar and carb content? I just don’t get it. I mean if you are smart and watch portions it shouldn’t really matter. Should I be in trouble because the other night I had one bite of cake. Why shouldn’t I? I mean I watch my calories and nutrition. I am following the rules my doctor gave me. So what is wrong with tasting the dessert? I didn’t eat the rest of it. I didn’t really feel a need to eat it. But I thought that having a taste would be nice. So I had one bite, satisfied my sweet tooth (that makes very little demands on me now) and felt satisfied because I wasn’t depriving myself. What is so wrong with that???

I really want to know if my lunch that day was so wrong and what was so wrong about it? I mean what should I have eaten instead? If you look hard enough you can find something wrong with EVERYTHING! Do you know how many bad things I passed up for that healthy wrap? At my work we have a food court with McDonalds, Burger King, a Mexican place, I walked past pizza and sandwiches made with big thick breads (not that my stomach would really accept most of that right now, but you see my point). So really What is so wrong with my chicken wrap? Is there some list out there of “Diet Foods” and non “Diet Foods”? If so I need a copy. Cause apparently following my doctors guidelines is not cutting it and I’m doing it wrong!



Jumping down off my soap box now. Bowing. Rant officially over. Thank you

Sorry!!!!

Hey everyone!

Sorry I disappeared on you. My life has been a little crazy for the last week or two. My job went from having too little to do to having way too much to do. My social life went that way too. So I have had no time for anything. I haven't even been able to get in my daily work out which sucks. Things have just been too crazy. But I'm still here and I'm learning a lot of things. I unfortunately learned that if I take even one sip of water after eating I will throw up. It took two nights in a row of having my dinner revisit me before I figured out what the problem was but at least I figured it out. I have also learned tha when I am with a group of people it is a lot harder to eat slowly. You would think that with other people I could talk and slow myself down but that didn't happen.  I went to a graduation party and I was really looking forward to having a burger. I just wanted beef! But after two bites and a french fry I ended up feeling sick from eating too fast. I tried to wait for my stomach to settle but it didn't happen. So I didn't get to eat my bunless burger. I was so bummed.  I have also found that I have a weakness for frozen cokes. We aren't supposed to drink pop after surgery because of the carbination and the sugar. But Frozen cokes don't have carbination and I found out that there is actually less suger in them then a regular pop because you actually get less liquid in one of those cups then you would if you had pop in the same size cup. It's a treat I let myself have sometimes but still probably more often then I should. I did find out that 7/11 has a sugar free slurpe. I'll have to try that some time soon.  Anyway, that is all I have for now. I will have to write again soon. I'll try to get more time in a day or so. Meanwhile, Thanks for reading!

Crazy Tummy!

It’s Monday again. I seem to be writing these blogs on a weekly basis lately. I’m not sure why that’s happening but Whatever. I write when the mood strikes me. If I haven’t written in a while and you ever want to know what’s up, please post a comment. I do usually check for those even if I’m not in the mood to write.

Lately I’ve been having more bad days then good. Ok wait, I shouldn’t say that. They aren’t bad days exactly, more like frustrating and uncomfortable. Friday my tiny tummy was hating me. Everything I put in it made me feel nauseous. Even my protein water! I mean come on, it’s water with flavor and protein WTF?!?!?! So I would take two or three bites and feel the nausea starting and be done with my meal. I forced the protein water down just so I could get something good for me in my body. Then Saturday was great! Coach wanted to go to The Big Salad for dinner before we went to the Tiger’s game. I was thinking I would have soup but I thought a salad sounded so good that I decided to try it. I ate very slowly and chewed thoroughly and it was great! My tiny tummy rumbled in a way that had me thinking it was going “YUM!”. Now I only ate about 1/8 of the salad (They are called The Big Salad for a reason) but I took the rest home and have been picking at it for other meals. I also had a glass of wine at the game ( I didn’t really want one of those giant frozen drinks with all the sugar or a carbonated drink) and I drank it faster than I did my first glass a couple of weeks ago. I actually got pleasantly happy and slightly tipsy with just one glass. That certainly hasn’t happened in years.

Then Sunday came. I was worried about Sunday. Sunday was father’s day which meant time with the family (who don’t know about my surgery) I was afraid that they would notice I didn’t really eat. Just to fit in I did grab a potato chip and I sipped some Lemonade so I didn’t have a carbonated beverage. But the lemonade made my tiny tummy churn a little. I didn’t really understand why. I drank about half a glass and just carried it for a while. Luckily I ended up sitting with my Mummy-Dearest, her boyfriend, and Coach so no one else noticed how little I ate or how slow. I kept making myself take pauses and put down my fork so that I didn’t eat too fast. I had a slice of Turkey, two strawberries, a bit or two of cantaloupe, two bites of potato salad and two chips with spinach dip. My stomach wasn’t happy after that meal either. I felt a little queasy for a bit. I tried to get Coach to finish what was on my plate so it was a little less noticeable but he was full. So Mummy-Dearest saved me and threw my plate out along with hers and her boyfriend’s so no one would know that I hadn’t cleaned my plate. I knew I wouldn’t eat everything on my plate but I didn’t really put that much on it. Still there seemed like a lot left over. Later we had dessert and I wanted to try the ice cream cake that Aunt Superficial had made. I ended up sitting right in between her and her two daughters. Yikes. I had the first two bites and would have been satisfied but with them right there and with Aunt Superfical knowing about The Aunt’s surgery I didn’t want to risk them noticing I hadn’t finished my tiny piece. So I sat and slowly nibbled on it. I was just about to risk them noticing and throw the rest away when Aunt Superfical’s daughter said she wanted a second piece. I offered her the last of mine and she gobbled it up.

Later that night I tried to have a little left over salad for dinner and my tiny tummy got made. I had even less than the day before and it got gassy and queasy. So I had to stop. Today hasn’t been much better. My protein shake went down ok but the salad I tried for lunch didn’t. I think I got four small bites down before my tiny tummy was protesting too much for me to eat anymore. During my lunch hour I sit and read, taking bites every so often, so I’m eating slowly. I kept reading and then when I got up to head back to work my tummy was rumbling that it was hungry! I started back to the food court to find something quick to take back with me but the minute I smelled the foods tiny tummy started rebelling again! So I told it that if it couldn’t behave then I wasn’t giving it anything and I went back to work. Now I feel the lack of protein but there really isn’t anything I can do about that.

Another weird thing about today. My stomach hurts. Like pain from surgery sore. It’s strange. A week after surgery I was able to lay on my stomach without a problem. My kitty could walk across my stomach and unless she hit just the right spot above my belly button there were no problems. When I went to see my surgeon for the first time he pressed on my belly button and I nearly flew off the table in pain. Then I felt echoes of that pain all day long afterwards. But that was pretty much it. Today I feel it when I move. It’s strange. I am wondering if it could have something to do with carrying my little cousin around at the party yesterday. He is five and I carried him around for about five or ten minutes. He was tired and needed cuddling so I picked him up and tried not to let him pull my shirt and reveal the scares on my belly button. It’s weird that carrying him would cause trouble though because I do lift weights and have no trouble doing that. I don’t know. My body just seems to be making trouble. Anyone else have these issues?

Party time

Day 27 - 25.6 lbs

So I had an interesting weekend. Friday night I decided that it was time to try some wine. I love wine and I have missed it these last six weeks (pre and post-op). Many on my online support group claimed that alcohol affected them much more strongly after surgery and I was looking forward to being a light-weight. I’ve always had a good tolerance for my alcohol so I was actually hoping that my sleeve would make me more sensitive. But it didn’t. Or at least not that I noticed. I didn’t want to go crazy. I just enjoy a glass of wine when I am relaxing with my boyfriend in the evenings sometimes. So I had a glass. It felt very weird going down, kind of like I had an air bubble going down with each sip. But I didn’t think that I did. I took the advice of my support group and drank it VERY SLOWLY. I think it took me two hours or more to drink one glass. I didn’t feel anything.

Saturday was interesting too. My mom’s boyfriend was having a birthday party for his son. I like her boyfriend a lot and while I am not close at all to his kids I knew it would mean a lot to him if I showed up. I brought Coach with me too. It’s a little awkward being at a family party when you aren’t really part of the family and you don’t know half the people there. But whatever, it meant a lot to my mom and her boyfriend that we showed up. I didn’t want people to notice my weird eating habits. There were appetizers that I could taste, some soft cheese, and some hummus with pita bread. So I had a bite so I felt like everyone else who was munching. But then dinner came. I had a choice between Pizza or sandwiches. I wanted the pizza so bad, it smelled divine (really there is no other word for that smell). But I am trying to be healthy so I took half a turkey sandwich. I have had good luck with pita bread as long as I chew it well so I thought that I could handle the little half sandwich. WRONG!!!!! I had two bites before I felt that bread hit my stomach hard! I didn’t know what to do then. I sat there looking at everyone else eating and just couldn’t. My head was also reeling because for some reason I felt like I hadn’t eaten all day and my head was acting a little fuzzy. I had some small bites of potato salad that went down fine. Poor Coach noticed me not eating and started to fuss and worry about me. I had to tell him I was ok and try to act normal. I ended up taking the meat and cheese out of my sandwich and eating that. It helped me feel better at least and then my plate showed some evidence of food missing. I hope I didn’t stand out too much. On a good note: I wasn’t even tempted to have birthday cake. There were chocolate cover strawberries and I had two of those but that was it for me.

After we left the party Coach was hungry. He wasn’t crazy about unhealthy pizza either so we stopped at a big boy and had a second dinner. At that point I was feeling light headed again and thought I could use some protein. So I had an omelet. It was good but I was a little embarrassed that I could only eat a small fraction of it. Normally I would have brought it home with me for the next day but I didn’t feel like Big Boy omelets were worth the trouble. Coach was a little concerned after that. We are probably going away with his family at the end of July and he was wondering what I would do when we went out to eat. I told him that by then I should be able to eat most foods and that I would just be bringing home leftovers. I’ll eat the leftovers and if I don’t I’m sure he or his brother will. Those guys have man size appetites.